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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here- Thanks for all the replies. It offered some perspectives and also clearly touched on some things that come up for nannies a lot, based on the inferences people were making about not my situation.

I have had 3 total nannies in 8 years. The first was a nanny share for 18 months who retired and moved back to her home country. She had been with the other family for 6 years. Then we did daycare until the pandemic. The second was with us for two years and decided she wanted to go back to college, finish her degree, and become an elementary school teacher. She still comes to all family birthday parties and asks for pictures on milestones (like the first day of school, first day of preschool), so I don't think she left because I was a horrible micromanager who drove her away. She also offers to date night sit for us all the time, which I have avoided doing because of how much the kids are still missing her and I felt that would make it harder for the new nanny after the fact.

The work from home thing is new for me and certainly a dynamic I am battling. I don't come out of my office much. That is why that day stood out so much. I wait until nap time starts to eat my lunch and could not that day. I made a quick yogurt and noticed that the kids were all done with lunch and were clearly in need of an activity - they were running around in a non-productive way and it is a sign from my kids that they need some intervention. For me, "hey lets go outside" or "does anyone want to color" is usually enough to redirect their energy into something productive. I was also trying to model that for the nanny what works for me and talked to her about it at the end of the day that specific type of behavior usually leads to big meltdowns without intervention (the older two start picking with each other, the middle and the toddler get physical....).

However, it seemed to me that people felt that even if they were not doing anything wrong, and I am the problem, that letting nanny go would be best, which was helpful as a perspective.   [/quote

Nanny here; Two things jumped out to me. You could not control the kids when first asking them to go outside, they declined. I think the fact that you are home, a shy nanny won't overide your interaction with your children and will leave it to you when you are present. This is exactly why parents are not allowed in the classrooms. Only one person running the show.
Second, you seem to pacify the middle child, allowing her not to move on with the new nanny and as you say by midday she starts warming up.

I would do a couple of things, either you like the nanny or not. If not move on.
If you think it's workable, then sit the nanny down and have a discussion of your roles, so she does not feel like she would be interveining when you are present and come up with a plan. I personally will never work with a work or stay at home mom ever again. It just does not work for me and many others. So take that into account when trying to hire a new one if you go that route. One of the biggest issues with nanny/employer relationships is communication. Make her feel safe that she can talk to you without risk of losing her job. Good luck.[/quote]

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