Reply to Anyone had an au pair return home due to homesickness?

Forum Index » Au Pair Discussion

Reply to "Anyone had an au pair return home due to homesickness?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Current aupair suffering from homesickness here (who won't probably leave early but wants to give a different perspective): I absolutely understand where you are all coming from. You count on someone to be around to help you with your children, I know it's a hard process to find the person and it really messes up with your your plans. That being that, you need you take into account that:
1. You are mostly employing young people (even if they are in the mid 20s, they are still young) probably trying to figure themselves out. Being an aupair is a big decision and it takes a lot of courage, which should be acknowledged. However, we (all of us) sometimes make mistakes and we should be allowed to and if they thought they could handle the experience but it turns out that can't, it is not their fault. I am sure they more than anyone would like to be okay but that's not something you can chose and if it becomes too much (only you can decide when that happens), you should be able to go home, take care of your mental health and not be crucifies about it.
2. Aupairing is just a job. I know it might seem like more than that because we are at your house and take care of your children but it is still essentially a job and, as such, you have the right to quit whenever you want (given the required notice) even if it is not convenient for your bosses.
3. Finally, covid times need to be taken into account. We've just come out (mostly) of a long lockdown and the change from your two years at home to living in a big new city is bigger than you can imagine. Also, the fear of getting the virus away from home and get sick is an important aspect.

I am not saying there's absolutely nothing wrong with leaving earlier but it is something that might need to happen for your aupair and they have that right. Even if it's not convenient for you, please try to respect and understand your aupair, it's definitely not easy for her either.[/quote]

This is a very thoughtful response - thank you.  I would say two things further in response from my position as an older adult who has been through similar things (less as a HM, which I am too).  First, homesickness is unpleasant but it’s OK to sit with and ride through uncomfortable feelings.  This au pair year is for you to learn about yourself, grow as a person and have new experiences.  Not every feeling in that journey is going to be pleasant and that’s OK.  We’ve all been there (for most of us it was college first and also study abroad in many cases) and understand.  If it’s truly unsustainable like your mental health cannot take it then of course you shouldn’t stay with it, and you should then enter into therapy when you get home to work through why you had the extreme reaction.  But otherwise stretching yourself is great and (and you are right) courageous and you should be proud that you are doing this.

Second, and again speaking just as an adult, there is generally a difference between a job that is “at will” and a set term contract.  In an at will position you can quit any time you want with the necessary notice, that is expected.  People may be disappointed that you left but no one is surprised.  Of course you can also quit a limited but agreed term position like an au pair but that is going to draw a more surprised and disappointed reaction if the reason is homesickness because you made the commitment to see the position through for the year.  So it’s not exactly right to compare it to an at will job and you shouldn’t have entered into it thinking of it like that; that is if you don’t like it, just quit.  It was a bigger commitment and there is going to be an attendant bigger disappointment if the position ends early because the au pair simply doesn’t want to complete the position.[/quote]

The agencies are at fault for the mismatch in expectations, as are cultural understandings.  HPs look at the contract as a definite thing and are surprised if the AP doesn’t want to stick it out.  APs look at it just like any other job, with the ability to give two weeks notice (which given that mediation is usually required, is what it is).  The fact that these young people are technically adults doesn’t matter, as most have never had at will jobs for which they really read a contract to see what they were committing to.  They certainly haven’t had set term contracts for jobs, usually not even written in their native language.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics