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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Thanks for the post on this. Also something we're struggling with here in CA. We have a really fantastic au pair (about 6 months in), and the only major issue we've had is that her friends (all Europeans) all belong to families that have totally ignored the COVID pandemic and don't have any rules for their APs (no masks, no rules on bars or concerts or indoor stuff, etc.), which makes our rules (no indoor parties, wear masks, etc.) seem very strict, even though these are pretty mild compared to the lockdowns in these girls' home countries right now. This has created some tension but we had thought we'd mostly resolved it.

We recently traveled to visit family for Christmas, and with Omicron, we were extremely careful (no eating or drinking in the airports or on the flights, masks on the whole time, rapid tests before unmasking around family, etc.). When we got back home a few days after Christmas, our AP wanted to go out and meet with friends, which is totally understandable given that she was cooped up with us and our families for 10 days. But we emphasized how contagious this Omicron variant is and how we wanted her to be very careful. Specifically, we told her she should not be going indoors to bars or restaurants or movies right now, and should try to stay outside as much as possible.

So she went out on a particularly cold and rainy night (just a few days before New Year's Eve) and was out for about 5 hours. When we saw her the next day, she said she had been outside the whole time, that they'd gotten coffee and then caught up outside. Now our AP is not very discreet with her phone and leaves it out, and of course various text messages pop up at times on it. I wasn't snooping (I swear), but I saw based on some of the messages that popped up as I was making dinner that she had seen the new Spiderman movie.

We've had APs before, and know that there's always a certain amount of "don't ask don't tell" involved, just as there will be when our own kids (who are still blessedly young) reach a certain age. My husband and I weren't happy that she'd gone to a movie theater even though we had just told her not to, and we were even less happy that she lied to us about it, but we decided to overlook it and let it slide.

BUT we also at this point really emphasized to her the dangers of Omicron and how concerned we were about New Year's Eve. She told us she was going to a small outdoors party for New Year's Eve at a friend's home (a fellow AP), with heat lamps and an outdoor fire pit. She made a big show to us about how she wasn't sure she wanted to go out at all, and were we ok with it. We told her we would trust her judgment, but we really were trusting her. My husband is in the entertainment industry, and under their current COVID protocols, if he was directly exposed to COVID, he would have to quarantine for 10 days, disrupting the production of the show he's working on, which would be a big deal.

So you can guess where this is going. Our AP went out for New Year's Eve, and when we saw her the next day, she volunteered that she had stayed outside the whole time other than to go inside to get some food a couple of times. But then later that evening, we learned that she had actually NOT gone to a small house party but rather to a massive club with her friends.

The next day, we confronted her. We didn't want to trap her in more lies, so we just told her that we knew she had gone to a club and had lied to us. She seemed genuinely remorseful, but here's where I'm torn. First, she claimed that she was wearing a mask and was in an outdoor area the whole time. Which seems very unlikely to me. Second, she claimed this was the only time she's ever done anything that violated our house rules (which we know is a lie because she saw a movie 2 nights before NYE). So we've had her test and thankfully, she's been negative so far.

But the bigger issue from my end is whether we can trust her at all to be responsible when she goes out, or to be honest about what she's doing. Am I making too big a deal of this all? Should we just confront her about the movie as well? Should we look the other way and trust her? She really is great with the kids, and if it wasn't for COVID, we would have zero issues with her, as we really didn't care what our previous pre-COVID au pairs did in their free time as long as they didn't crash our car or get arrested.

Any and all advice appreciated.[/quote]

I think you have your answer.  She lied to you about the initial incident and then lied again, saying it was the first time she'd done it.  At this point you have to decide if you're willing to do a don't ask, don't tell.  She's going to go out.  Are you OK with that?  She may (will) get or be exposed to covid.  Are you OK with that?[/quote]

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