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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Hey previous poster, you were responding to my post. I was really just venting. She’s a lovely girl, I just didn’t realize how much I valued my privacy and space until now. And that doesn’t make me a bad person… the au pair program isn’t for everyone.

As for your remarks about me being interested in cheap labor, I have no doubt that drives a lot of au pair families. Which really sucks for au pairs. That was not a major factor for us. I was more interested in the flexibility that an au pair can provide and exposure to a foreign culture. There are some things that are more important than saving money - like privacy, quality of life, your child’s needs, etc. So while nannies are (typically) more expensive, we will hire a live out nanny after this.

To be honest, I struggle with the “part of the family” thing. I do try to take that to heart, and to include her in all things - including vacations, shopping outings, visiting with friends and family, etc. I want her to have a good time during her stay here. I care very much for her. At the same time, I sometimes miss having time with “just my family.”  Hosting a needy 20 year old with few friends is exhausting. It just is. I don’t think that makes me a bad person… just not the right person for this program.  [/quote]

Yes! It's exhausting to have another human to add to the list of humans that you take into account for nearly everything. Au pairs are wonderful but also young adults who live with you. You get put into the role of den mother, best friend or parent in any given situation. It doesn't make you a bad person to realize it's not for you or that you are burned out from being in those roles.
I found that hosting is great but it is having a young adult who is in a completely different phase of life than anyone else in the home which you need to accommodate. Even the most non-entitled, sweet, fun-loving au pair can be another person to care for even if it's just making sure that the extra Vitamin Water or shampoo is bought.  In 2020, we realized how much you sacrifice privacy when quarantined with another person (who we really liked) for 8 months. She was great, but we weren't actual family and she missed hers and we wanted to get away from being locked up with ours for months.

The cheap labor argument is old and thin. Of course cost is a factor in why families host au pairs. If it was the only reason, no one would continue hosting. The unwritten costs and obligations which go along with hosting are far more than what you need to deal with by hiring a nanny.

We stopped hosting in April and couldn't be happier even though hosting was exactly the childcare we needed for years. I know my van will be in the condition that I left it the night before. I can order any food I want without worrying whether it meets an au pair's tastes. I can let the kids jump up and down in the living room on a Saturday morning without worrying we will get a complaint about the noise. I was someone who was right for hosting, but I didn't realize how much those privacy *things* wear on a family. [/quote]

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