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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]To the person wondering if it harms the children when the au pair leaves - no!  Yes, they are part of the family but even at a young age, children are able to understand that an au pair has an identity separate from the family.

For example, au pairs often spend their weekends out with friends, take vacation apart from the family (2 weeks per year) and have their own families back home. So while kids do see the au pair as a “big sister” of sorts, who spends holidays with them and lives in their house, they also understand that it’s a different relationship from mom, dad, “real” sisters. Plus they are (or should be) aware that the au pair only stays 2 years.

If you are concerned about childhood abandonment issues, an au pair is really not going to cause such issue, unless you are in a really unusual situation where the au pair is literally raising the kids and taking the place of mom or dad. That happens occasionally, but it’s not typical... in most cases, the au pair leaving is akin to a child’s favorite friend moving out of the neighborhood. It sucks for a minute but they get over it and it doesn’t cause life long negative implications. (I’m a childhood psychologist). [/quote]

Do you have any suggestions for how to ease the transition? I am widow with a toddler, and the AP really (within the confines of the hours/schedule of the AP program) is a parent figure, particularly doing the pandemic when there are few other "live" adults in the pod. I am worried it is going to be traumatic. [/quote]

Not PP, but as a live-in nanny who has cared for toddlers and preschoolers 24/7, I get it.  There's no getting away from it, but there are things you can do with both APs to ease into it.

With that age, you and the AP need to say the same thing, numerous times.  "AP's mommy and daddy miss them so much.  When AP leaves next month, they're going to be so happy to see them again!  We're going to skype/facetime AP as often as you want, and AP won't ever forget you." and "You get a new friend, AP xyz will be here just before/just after AP leaves!  It's going to be so exciting having a new friend to live with us and take care of you!  What do you want to do first with them, a or b?" (if your child is old enough to pick)

IME, facetime and skype with little kids is awful.  Do it when they ask, but don't expect more than 2-3 minutes, if that, and they won't ask much.  Instead, record videos and let them watch themselves showing AP a toy, waving to AP, singing a song.  Have the AP send videos back, no more than 3 minutes, and let your child watch them over and over.  Watch the video they sent right before they watch the reply video.  With that age, short and repetitive is the best for long term memory and attention.  You can also ask the new AP to send short 30 second to 1 minute videos to familiarize your toddler with them before they get here.  A new video 2-3 times per week and watching the same videos as many times as they want will let your child feel that they know the new AP, at least a little.  The more that they feel that they "know" the new AP, the less emotional upheaval there will be switching from a loved AP to someone new.[/quote]

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