Reply to Divorced and sharing AP - difference of opinion

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]His childcare needs are not your problem. I know you think they are, because you're worried about your kids. But they're not.

Decide what works for you, and tell him to figure out the same.[/quote]

SP. Also, he now has a child at home full time. Everything about your child care sharing situation is changing.

His wife was previously "only" a step-mother, so it made sense that she should not have to worry her head about child care. Now, however, I am sure she is THRILLED to have built-in child care she hasn't had to do any work or spend any extra money to procure (I sure will be). It will almost definitely put a strain on their marriage if you end this very affordable arrangement that you have with your husband. There will be fiscal impacts on both households, and he may choose a child care arrangement you dislike. It is also possible that it will reveal the extent to which step-mom is or is not interested in being an active parent figure to your children vs. her own.

But, regardless, the situation has changed, and it is still time to end it and just let it not be your problem.[/quote]

Stepmom and Dad are paying for infant care at a center near Mom's work.  Mom needs to take baby to the center or hire a babysitter if working at home.  AP was hired for OP two kids and lives with OP.[/quote]

I understand all that. But baby is not at the center everyday, and stepmom has a built-in sitter currently. She hasn't had to figure out how to manage the older kids if they happen to be there when she's working from home, either. If OP pulls the AP to her house, exH and stepmom will have to pay for older kid care on their weeks, and for any extra baby care. This will take money out of their budget, or stepmom will start asking older kids to sit when she doesn't want to drive to daycare, or baby is sick, etc..

The point is, if OP pulls the AP, it is going to be tense and stressful while her ex and his wife figure it all out. She still needs to do it.[/quote]

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