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[quote=Anonymous]I never had anything as drastic as OP mentioned, but have had mixed experiences with grandparents. When the grandma of one family I worked with visited, she expressed interest in coming on outing and we all had a positive experience. I felt like it was a joint effort caring for twins. She told me things that worked for her and previous nanny when she watched kids, which was helpful, she was delightful to chat with, and kids loved having her there. I felt that it added to our day!

For another family, grandparents lived in town and were often there. While they were very nice, they kids acted awful when grandparents were there. The grandparents spoiled them, giving them treats the mom specifically said she did not want them to have. This happened a ton. Mom focused a lot on kids eating healthy, so kids got really mixed messages if they'd already had their treat for day and then grandparents gave them more. In addition, it totally threw them off schedule in other ways. The grandparents in this situation were also really nice, smart, intelligent people, but they literally didn't know how to handle the kids behaviors (tantrums, yelling, etc.). It was often a surprise when they would be there (like I received no notice and we'd get home and they'd be there).

I don't agree w/ OP that I'd never consider a family that had an in-town MIL though. I'd take a more let's see how it goes approach and then if everything is great, it's nice for kids to see family more! If issues arose, I'd approach parents to see if we could figure out a solution. In the case above, I know grandparents did things that mom didn't approve of, so it wasn't just me who was annoyed. There was just a lot of passivity and family dynamics that I didn't really understand.[/quote]

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