Reply to Sharing vehicles

Forum Index » Au Pair Discussion

Reply to "Sharing vehicles"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]During the week she will typically have morning and early afternoons free (other than to do laundry and kid related cleaning) and she will not be working the 45 hours except during summer. Most of the year it would be around 30 or less. That is nice for her in that she has free time, but if she can't get around it could be frustrating and boring. [/quote]

Bingo.
Time off is not worth it if you are stuck at home. Being stuck at home is boring. Your AP probably has no idea what she is getting into because she can't imagine not being able to go anywhere. (Also, "to do laundry and kid related cleaning" means she is not off...)

How many other APs are where you are? Any chance others could easily pick her up because they live close by or because you are living between "major AP suburb" and "fun area"? Is there any public transportation where you are?
Have you thought about how you are going to handle summers? If your AP has the kids for 45 hrs each week without car access, do you just expect them to stay home?
What if your AP wants to take classes while she is off during the day? Is there any way for her to get to the closest college without a car?
Is where you are accessible enough to bike anywhere? Walk? Can she reach a gym/cafe/pool/park/anything in lets say 15 minutes without a car safely? Other APs? A college? Anywhere where people between the age of 18 and 25 spend their time outside of work?
Are you willing to cover Uber to where she wants to go?
Can your AP drop you off at work when she drops the kids off at school (I know, I know, not part of their job... but possibly better than stuck at home)? Can you Uber to/from work?

Could you offer a fixed car schedule?
Monday - you borrow your brother's car.
Tuesday - you Uber to work.
Wednesday - you "can make it work that certain days we help each other get to and from work"
Thursday - AP drops you off / picks you up
Friday - you take the car but AP can have it for the weekend as soon as you are back home
Sat/Sun - AP takes car because you are off work

I would highly suggest to come up with somethin set and reliable. Unless you want to end up with an unhappy AP.
It's a situation you can make work. But not as easily as if you had a third car or a desginated AP car (and even that leads to conflicts over milage and cost and whatelse).

***

We have a "3 adults, 1 car" situation but where we are is extremely walkable, AP has a bike and the closest bus stop is a few minutes away (we provide a bus pass). And the car is usually at home because we bike to work (and are currently on our first AP with a driving licence). Our family has so many other drawbacks that we just couldn't add "stuck at home" to the list (that's why we live where we live).

I have been an AP in a "3 adults, 2 cars" situation, outside a major metropolitan area, at 24.
At matching I had been told they would make sure the car was available to me whenever they could make it work. Just that they never could, there was always a reason why the car wasn't available. Even getting the car to go to classes was a pain. We were living on a hill/mountain (1500 ft. elevation), the next bus stop was a 15 minute walk (downhill), the bus went hourly and cost 10% of my weekly stipend for a one-way ticket, and with the bus schedule I would have had to take the bus back immediately after arriving in the city during the week (or at 5 am the following morning). There was a metro stop in walking distance... 4 miles away through an unlit forest, up and down hill. 
This was before google maps and I had to heavily rely on the information given by the HF. Had I known how much the truth was bent, I would not have matched with them. Not saying that they were lying. I am sure they did think the arrangements would work out, they just didn't expect the situation to be as difficult as it ended up being. But they did present the situation as much more easy / accessible as it was.

For me the car arrangements meant I was stuck at home, all day, every weekday. Except for a two hour language class once a week. I couldn't make friends because I couldn't go anywhere - no car access and the limited bus access meant I had no access to a gym, a cafe, a shoping mall (there was a supermarket in walking distance, again 15 minutes downhill) or the open AP meetings (this was a country where agencies were not needed) and couldn't meet the people I met in my language class because other than walking 3.75 miles to where they lived (one way) I had no way to get to where they were (and the AP closest was in a smiliar situation, no car access)... so no / very limited options to make friends. Sometimes the only person I saw all week (those weeks were I couldn't even get the car to go to classes), other than my HF, were the cleaning lady and the people at the grocery store.

You have no idea how frustrating and depressing such a situation can be, even if you "knew" (or think you know, as a second time AP) what you were getting into. Imagine being in a foreign country, full of possibilies but you can't do anything, only look, not touch. From a fairly independet adult (US AP, university student, living on my own for five years) I basically turned into a child again - always having to ask if I could do something or somebody could take me somewhere. And often be told no. You can only take so many walks in the woods to get out of the house. How often can you walk to the grocery store for interaction with other people?

I am sure it can work. I know it worked for the AP I met at the language class whose HF had similar car arrangements (she was closer to a bus stop though and her HF paid for a bus pass). At least I know she completed her year and I never heard her complain. Though that might have been part of her culture (Thai), I cannot say. Of course I only saw her for 10 minutes before and after classes, after we were dropped off and while waiting to be picked up again.

[quote][quote]Would you stay at your home for a year without unlimited access to a car?[/quote]
I would if that was the situation I had been offered and I had accepted[/quote]

I want to dare you to try it. I don't think you can imagine how hard that is.
You are in a country that is not your home country. You are living in a family that is not your family, you are basically living with strangers. 
Imagine your work sending you to Antarctica for a year, where you are stuck in a research facility 24/7, with four other researchers who don't speak your native language and don't share your culture and traditions. You only work 6 to 10 hour days and have the rest of the day off, time in which you can clean, do your laundry, watch tv or Skype with your family at home. Every once in a while they will allow you on a helicopter and fly you to Ushuaia - if they feel like it and if the don't? Too bad. You accepted the job. Now you HAVE to be happy, no cabin fever allowed. You don't like the people you work with? Your problem. Homesickness? Thinking about quitting and going back home? But you accepted! You KNEW what you were getting into! You should have known how isolated you would be and how that would make you feel. Can't have the cake and eat it.

APs rematch over much, much less. And then it's their fault because "they knew what they were getting into and transportation is nothing the HF has to offer" :roll: [/quote]

You are right, I can only speak to myself and my level of integrity. Most 20 year women can use abstract thinking to understand what fairly frequent, yet not unlimited use of a car during the morning hours means and can picture it even if not in their country, especially when explained in detail by natives to the area in advance.   And I would like to add that the AP is not staying at home for entire year without use for a car, as stated she will have a car during almost any evening and weekend  and obviously some of the days- just not every single one which was the reason for my post.   And OF COURSE the laundry is counted as working hours. So many posters just love to jump to conclusions around here and I notice they are never in a way that assumes consideration or positivity on the HF part.   Honestly if the AP rematches then so be it.  This is not a situation where we have no backup or alternatives, and we would be only mildly inconvenienced if she left on a dime. If she isn't happy, we aren't hanging on.  We only went with the program because we met her and liked her,  and she seems totally unlike the troll APs here and the ones that people are often complaining about.    If our AP agreed to the job under the conditions offered and yet is unhappy, then we will deal with it and help her find a rematch or help her find more friends who will pick her up those few hours of those few days.  Our AP seems a little brighter than you give most APs credit for and seems to have a good understanding of the pros and cons of our situation.  Of course we will make sure she has transportation to and from her classes and to her meetings-  you didn't read the posts and just jumped right to the creating drama aspect.  Again, just assume the worst, even though I pointed out right off the bat that I understand she always needs one for classes and meetings.

Your schedule idea is the reason I came here, because I would like to plan something to see what would be reasonable for an AP who is already expecting limited day time use of a car.  But sorry- no it isn't really reasonable of you to say you and your husband put yourselves out every day  just in case she gets a wild hair to run out somewhere.... your schedule was very one sided as many troll posts by APs are here.  This is a two sided situation and on both sides there are positives and negatives- when one side is absorbing all the negatives it creates discontent.   Many here seem to be jumping from AP stuck at home all day- miserable! unhappy! locked away in a dungeon!.... and then skip right on up to why don't you and your husband jump through hoops so that she can have unlimited use of your car every single day all day,  or else expect misery and it will BE ALL YOUR FAULT even though she agreed.  Buy another car on top of the $30000!  Pay for uber for yourself!  How dare the AP be even slightly put out!!  No.... The middle ground is what I am looking for.   The middle ground of 3 adults working to ensure an even amount of convenience and working together to keep everyone at optimal happiness level.     I mentioned that we have the option to carpool some days, we have the option to borrow a 3rd car some days, but what I'm looking for is a number of days that would be good to guarantee in the family handbook as I would like to have every detail spelled out before she gets on the plane.  If she can't handle having 2-3  days per week without a car during her free time between 8 and 1, though she will usually have the car all evening and weekend,  then she is not the AP for us and we will have to send her packing as she would just be yet another entitled AP who agrees to a certain situation, says all the right things to get in the country, and then immediately turns into a princess. I feel very confident that ours is not- but if we are wrong, we have no problem moving her on to someone else to deal with that.  Luckily for us we are doing this for the cultural exchange, the excitement of it, and the childcare is sort of a bonus that we have other options to turn to if necessary.  Sounds like from a PP my husband should be expecting a lot more sex too in this situation- we hadn't even realized that was a fun thing to anticipate. You guys are too much!! I'm sure if this 20 year is such a nympho that she is looking to my husband to satisfy her, then yes, she will probably be fine with NEVER having a car considering all that sexual satisfaction.

Aren't there any more actual HFs on this board who can provide reasonable responses? I specifically asked if anyone had been in this situation and I'm sure there are... but just end up with trolls, princess APs and people who spend their time looking to make any question into a nightmare.

[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics