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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It is no okay to REQUIRE an AP to cook for the adults - it doesn't matter if it is within or outside of the 45 hours.  Any AP cooking for the adults in the family should be VOLUNTARY, as part of a cultural food exchange.  Required cooking should be limited to cooking for the kids.

It is okay to have her cook for herself if you don't want to include her in the meals that you cook (not the most hospitable but also not violating the program rules).  It is not okay to expect that she eats outside.  She should be able to eat every meal inside the home, if she chooses.  Most AP will go out and eat every so often but it is her choice.  It is okay to have "fend for yourself" or "on your own" nights where it is explicit that adults are going to cook/eat by themselves, and not together.  It is okay to not cook any meals for the AP to eat but just provide the ingredients for her to cook with - although this is not really in the spirit of the cultural exchange.  However, it should be clearly communicated ahead of time which night(s) or all nights is the AP expected to cook for herself so that she does not expect and/or wait for you to cook.[/quote]

You are wrong.  If AP want to eat dinner at home, she needs to cook at home sometimes.  As an adult member of the house, she is not entitled to have someone make her dinner every night of the week without reciprocating.
If she would rather not cook a family dinner one night/week, she can cook her own food all week long.[/quote]

I am PP 05/11/2017 14:46.  I totally agree that AP is not entitled to have someone cook her dinner every night.  I basically said that when I wrote "It is okay to not cook any meals for the AP to eat".  Of course AP needs to cook at home if she wants to eat dinner and no one else is cooking it for her.  My comment is about REQUIRING the AP to cook for the ADULTS like it is part of her other child-related responsibilities.  I am not sure what part of what I wrote that you are disagreeing with.

In response to poster 05/12/2017 12:22, I agree that it should not be a big deal to grille all 8 chicken breasts in a package while you are doing 4, but when the HF and AP relationship is not on good footing, the AP will turn that into the HF is forcing her to cook dinner for the entire family.  I rather not go there.  I rather cook meals for me, HD, and HK and have the AP cook food for herself (meals that occur when she is not on the clock).  This means if she is on the clock for dinner and responsible for feeding the HK, she cooks enough to feed herself and the HK.  We (HM and HD) eat our own food.  Yes, it would and should be a non-issue to throw a few more patties on the grille for the HM and HD but like I said, it can bite back when the relationship goes south.

We also have in our handbook about reciprocating - each adult to alternate cooking family dinners as we are all adult members of the family and to help clean or prep when eating together as a family.  However, we've had AP started out the year alternating with us and being active in the dinner routine but it slowly dies.  Once the AP stops reciprocating and just show up for dinners, we start to also stop cooking for the AP and instead made every night an on our own night.  We wish that the AP reciprocates but we cannot REQUIRE it.  So instead, we stop offering the benefit of a home cooked meal together ... a little sad.

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