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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I suspect the challenge here is that you feel AP is expecting you to cook for her like an additional child without contributing to the process. For us, AP is on her own for breakfast and lunch. We have family dinners almost every night and she can cook for everyone (off the clock) and we'll do the dishes, or she can enjoy the meal and help out with the dishes. Staying in her room until the meal is ready and then retiring to the tv room the minute she's done is not an option. 
If your kids already eat an early meal, it might be good to just have her cook a few nights, and when you ask her open the conversation to include that you will help with xyz when she cooks but she is responsible for xyz when you do. If she wants a family that has family meals, she may look for rematch, which is okay, too. 
[/quote]

It really comes down to whether the AP expresses appreciation for having a home cooked meal.  With our AP1, we got into the bad situation of the AP expecting us to cook every dinner for her.  She did not help out, stayed in her room, need to tell her dinner is on the table before she came out, and went directly back into her room after she was finished even though everyone else at the table were still eating.  There was no appreciation expressed.  We were left feeling like her private chefs.  We learned and with future APs, set clearer expectations about helping out (prep or clean up), was up front that sometimes we eat together, sometimes it is fend for ourselves, sometimes we cook, sometimes AP cooks for herself etc.  We never tell her that that she has to cook any dinner for us - only if she wants to cook as part of sharing her food culture with us.  This approach has helped and avoided the resentment feelings that we felt with AP1.[/quote]

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