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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]To each her own.  But wow.  You may get the important lessons here, but they are too nuanced for a 13 year old girl, who just sees another teenager, just 5 years older, have sex with someone else condoned by you right in her own home.

What does the HM of the girlfriend think of her spending all her time with your family and not theirs?

You seem to get an unusual thrill about being the "cool" HM.

I am no religious fanatic, and lived with my husband before we got married for several years, but we didn't do it in front of a 13 year old who is just developing her own sexuality.

[/quote]

OP here.  Again, not at all a cool mom.  A very strict mom, actually.

I'm fascinated about what people think my 13 year old is being exposed to.  Do you think AP and his GF are having screaming loud sex in their room for all of us to hear?  Do you think they are leaving their door open for us to see them together on his bed?

In actuality, DD goes to sleep at 9:30, while AP and GF are downstairs hanging out or watching a movie or out with other friends.  So she doesn't even see them go into the room together, and once in their room, they certainly make no noise that anyone would question.   Neither are they touchy-feely out in public space (maybe because they don't have to be, since they have plenty of privacy in which to be so?).  Last weekend in the morning, AP came down and played with DS, while GF slept in.  AP was not on duty, but he is very much part of our family, and he was up, so he came down to play.  He had breakfast with us.  When GF came down, I asked her if she wanted breakfast, and she said no, that she had already eaten.  I said, "Oh, were you up earlier?" and she got shy so I realized and said, "Ohh, did he bring you breakfast in bed?"  When she said yes, we all did a little "Ohhhh that is so cute!"  DD was laughing and teasing right along with me.  Again - the focus of this is about how cute and sweet they are as a couple, and not about what they are doing behind closed doors.  This, in my mind, is HEALTHY.  DD is getting the model of a relationship between people who are 5 and 6 years older than she that is HEALTHY, LOVING, and AFFECTIONATE -- and not all or only about sex.  It's EXACTLY the sort of model of a relationship I am completely happy for her to see - and absolutely fine with having in my house.  So many teens don't understand that relationships are about DEEP FRIENDSHIPS that also include physical intimacy -- and a lot of the time this is because people are not allowed to have their boyfriends/girlfriends over and are forced to keep the relationships secret, which is why they become only about sex.  So again, in THIS circumstance with THIS AP and THIS GF, we have absolutely no problem with them sharing a room.  If they were doing anything that caused the sex part to be obvious or in the face of the rest of us, clearly that would be out.

This is my last response to others about my parenting choices.  I have incredibly well-adjusted, happy children, and an incredibly well-adjusted and happy au pair, and I'm 100% comfortable with our choices.  I should also add that DH and I have one of the best marriages of anyone I know, and that includes us cuddling on the couch in front of our children, and again - this is healthy and gives our children an image of lifelong love and affection.  All healthy and well-adjusted.

Anyway, to bring this back to the AP, though, I'm sort of curious what people think is appropriate for an AP in a loving and committed relationship.  If the AP's home is your home, and the AP has nowhere else to go, where should he and his GF be together if not in your house?  Do you think that a 19 year old who is in a longterm, committed relationship with someone you know and like very much should not be alone with her at all or that a 19 year old should not fall in love at all?  Just wondering what the thinking is of those of you who are so horrified about this situation.  Because I'm just going to put out there -- if you're not allowing your AP's to have their relationships in the open, it may well be that they are sneaking into your house and having them anyway, behind your back.  Because I'm pretty sure that many 19 year olds who are in love but forbidden from sharing their rooms when their HFs are around are doing just this.  Me, I'd rather have an adult AP act like a mature adult and be treated like one, rather than forcing him to sneak around behind my back.

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Yes I agree with you. Worrying about how your temporary AP is going to get sex is way more important than exposing your 13 year old  possibly before she can handle it. He can get sex like we all did. Car, hotel, other places. My mom certainly didn't tell me at 18 to come on in and use the house. [/quote]

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