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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm just completely baffled by how ready to judge everyone is. When a member of your family dies and you want to pay your respects, do you want people telling you that grieving for three days is okay, but four is excessive? There is a very finite number of family people have, and an infinite number of working days. In ten years it will matter that she was there for her husband in such a terrible time, not that she went to work that one extra day. Have a heart, maybe?

Now if you think that you can judge how people should deal with a death in the family (and who is anyone to judge how affected people should be by death in their family?!), by all means tell her that you think taking four days to go out of town for a funeral is too much and you don't trust her anymore. But that's heartless and inhuman.

And you should always have back up care, so this one is on you. [/quote]

This!!

My grandmother is like a second Mom.  She lived with us my entire life and helped raise me.  We are still very close, and I'd be devastated if she passed away.  Not everyone considers a grandparent as "extended" family, someone they only see on holidays.   I know  my husband would want to be there to 
support me, especially knowing how much he loves her too.  And, I would be there for him if someone close to him died.

The 3 day bereavement pay is standard in the corporate world, but most good employers are flexible.  When my Dad died, I was out for a week.  When I returned, my boss insisted I take more time.   It meant so much to me.

Please try to have some compassion.  And, definitely get back up.  Life happens to all of us.

[/quote]

1. No one is trying to put a cap on how long this nanny can grieve, just how long she can take off of work to do so.
2. Comparing this to a corporate setting is like comparing apples to oranges. When you took off for the death of your own father (not your partner's) there were, presumably, a number of people who could take up your duties with very short notice. Even with back-up care, there is only so much a family can, and should, accommodate with their only employee taking an unscheduled absence. 
Yes, compassion is in order here, but not in the form of unlimited time off.[/quote]

1. The nanny isn't asking for unlimited time off.  She is asking for four days for a funeral that is out of town.  I don't see why it matters if it's her grandmother or her husband's grandmother.  They could have been extremely close.  Besides, this isn't just about grieving.  She wants to support her husband.

2.  At the time, I worked in a very small office so there went not several people to fill in.  The owner ended up taking on most of the work, and that was beyond gracious.

That being said, I agree with you about  nanny and corporate being very different.  For a period of time, I worked both at the same time.  Thank goodness 
I worked for a great family.   There were nights I couldn't come because my grandmother was sick and they graciously accommodated every one of those times.  I know it was very inconvenient for them as both parents traveled frequently.  But, they knew my first priority was to my family, and they never once made me feel bad about that.  In return, I was extremely flexible with them as well.  I was with them for 10 years so it worked both ways.

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