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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, I'm sympathetic.  I am.  We are the one with the AP who drank and drove and crashed the car and lied, and we still didn't rematch right away.  We waited until the SECOND accident, a week later, before rematching.  Just writing that makes me sick to my stomach.

SO I'm definitely not pointing at you alone or even primarily when I say this, but please can we all print out OP's posting from above about how she was trying to be nice (to an irresponsible AP) and use that as a reminder of what we are doing here?  We are inviting APs into our home to be part of our family IN EXCHANGE FOR RESPONSIBLE AND SAFE CHILDCARE AND FOR BEING KIND AND THOUGHTFUL HOUSEHOLD MEMBERS.  This AP failed at all those things miserably -  WEEKS AGO.  So did our AP from the summer.  So why are we HMs STILL "trying to be nice?"  Have we internalized the message of the troll on this board that all HPs are evil and are overcompensating?  I mean, come on.  It was NICE ENOUGH that OP was still housing this girl three weeks later, but to give her her personal car to go to Baltimore?  Let's all please take a lesson from this.
[/quote]

Another host mom here who had a similar experience of giving and giving and worrying and worrying and trying to be nice and nicer and nicer and just getting more and more screwed until finally the year ended. Looking back in so many things WHY in earth did I out up with what I did?  Why did I consistently out my au pair's feelings and expectations above the needs of my family and sometimes even the safety of my kids?  OP, you are not alone. I completely get why you have her the car in her last day. Probably trying to at least end on a high note. Totally get it. Been there.

I can't tell you the number of times I've read other host mom's situations and thought "KICK HER OUT!  Duh!!"  But it's so so hard when you're in it to see when the line has been crossed and when you just need to accept that it's not working. It's like that boiling frog analogy.

I do think this poster is right - and I hope to come back to this thread and get a reminder of what is really important. Yes, I will thoroughly extend my home and my life and any comforts needed to an au pair who meets me in the middle. Happily. Been there twice and it's been lovely. But I too will never again hesitate to cut the cord early if it's not working. AP #5 (no rematches yet though) arriving shortly. Fingers crossed that she's as great as #4![/quote]

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