Reply to Potential new nanny, great refs...husband has multiple arrests. Advice please!

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It's clear to me that few people on this thread have experienced domestic violence. A lot of the responses are more like what you see on the Lifetime channel then what actually happens in the bowels of an abusive relationship. Few DV offenders fit the stalking, psychotic profile being thrown around here. Many many women are dealing with DV while holding down high pressure, high status careers. Whether they work in a board room or a lunch room, women manage DV every day without dropping the ball (unfortunately). I think your true concern is whether you want to be morally responsible for her situation. You may not be able to bear witness without doing something. I can understand. When I was in an abusive relationship I lost friends who just could not stand to know someone was hurting me and that they could not help. I still went to work on time every day. No one knew what happened to me at home. Had they run one of those free public searches on my boyfriend then they would have been appalled .[/quote]

I am 20:38 above. I think you are missing the point. nobody is saying that every DV situation ends with the husband killing the wife and the people around her. I have limited experience with DV but I know that there are women who are living it every day (including educated women with good jobs), they have hell at home but nobody knows. but the issue is that OP does not know whether this is the one unlucky case where things go bad.  as a mother, even if the chance is very low, I would not take it, I don't have kids to spare.  you can never keep your kids 100% safe, but hiring as a nanny a person with this kind of family issues would be a risk I would not want to take. I would feel awful as a human being, but I would not do it. I agree with you that it is also difficult for an employer to witness this type of issues without doing anything. the friend of mine I described above tried to help her cleaning lady and ended up being threatened. while in the case of the cleaning lady my friend was an adult and did not have kids, so she took the risk on herself, in this case OP would take the risk on her kids. [/quote]

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