Reply to Potential new nanny, great refs...husband has multiple arrests. Advice please!

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]If you are willing to give her an offer otherwise, then I would suggest a direct conversation. It is heartbreaking to think she could be turned away for being a victim.

I am a nanny and a sexual abuse survivor. I have never shared my past with an employer. I am aware that many many child abusers were themselves abused as children. However, I volunteer for many organizations that work on sex abuse issues and have even testified on legislation to protect women and children. I know child safety guidelines inside and out, my charge will never be hurt on my watch. Going through trauma has made me  better caregiver. I don't think you can assume she would put your children in harms way.[/quote]

you are not getting the issue here. the problem is not the nanny, is the violent husband. while she would not hurt the kids, a husband with multiple arrests for domestic violence may try to hurt her where she works, while she is with the kids. she is a victim, and certainly is sad that she can loose on a job offer because of her husband behavior. but if I was the OP, I would never hire her. unfortunately OP's responsibility is making sure her kids are safe and are not exposed to the risk of becoming collateral victims of domestic violence in somebody else's home. a husband who has not one, but multiple arrests for domestic violence is a non starter. a domestic abuse situation may be very dangerous, especially when the victim tries to leave. while as a woman I would try to help the nanny as much as I can, I would never put my kids in a situation that is potentially so risky.  [/quote]

I forgot to add: a friend of mine had years ago a cleaning lady who had a physically abusive husband, abusive toward her and their teen age boy. my friend tried to help her by talking to her, supporting her emotionally, suggesting places where she could find support and shelter (my friend was married and did not have kids). the husband of the cleaning lady started calling her telling her to stop "turning the wife against him" (the wife had ended up at the hospital several times after "falling off the stairs" and stuff like that).  eventually the cleaning lady left and moved out of state with the son (who was a young adult), and the husband started showing up and threatening my friend because he thought she knew where his wife was hiding (she did not) and wanted her to tell him. he eventually found the wife, who came back with him because, as she told my friend, he would have killed her and their son if she did not.  one arrest for domestic violence does not look good but could be explained, but multiple arrests are a huge red flag, not much to explain. putting little kids in this situation would really be too risky, I would never do it as a parent. I am happy to help others but not when my kids' life and well being is on the line[/quote]

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