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Au Pair Discussion
Reply to "Host family leaving for a vacation without the Au Pair"
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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here - I'll try to reply everybody. First, thank you for your input :) - The family has a very good lifestlye, they do well and it wouldn't be a problem financially. I know I can't expect to be invited to a wedding, I could have stayed at the hotel by myself or explore the city. - I think I'll stay home by myself just because they need someone to open and shut the door. - I'm here to explore as much as I can. It would have been a good opportunity to travel, and I could have paid for my trip if I had been offered to come along. - I have talked to the father about his son's behavior. He told me I can't say "no" to his kid, that he'll learn by himsel what's good and what's bad ... He says he's testing me. The mother is not very involved in her son's life. She prefers the gym, going out with her husband and letting the kid with me. I actually work on Saturdays during the day while the parents are home and doing whatever. - I had no idea before going to the US that they would leave for a week for a wedding. I wouldn't have changed my mind though about chosing this family because I wanted to stick to my word. - They are not leaving me any choice. And it won't be a vacation week. They could have asked a neighbor to do the door opening. I am not whining. They don't owe me anything for sure. It's just that I'm feeling left out, not included or part of the family, despite their saying I am. I'm part of the family when it's handy for them I guess. Maybe I'm feeling like this because of my own family and it would sound normal for any other AP who has had a happy family life back home. I'm sure it has to do with this. Right now, I'm thinking about asking for a rematch. The ill-bread kid + being left home alone + not liking Philadelphia = I can't picture myself staying here for a year :([/quote] It sounds like the issue is really that you DON'T get along with the host family and feel that they are a warm family, as you initially posted. And as others have pointed out, the issue with the child hitting you and not minding you does need to be worked out, and it sounds like the host family is not dealing with this well. The best way to deal with this is probably for you to first speak with the HF about your feelings, and if you feel that you can't do that on your own, ask your area director to set up a mediation so that you can all work out the issues together. If you just ask for a rematch without doing this, your area director will probably insist that you try to work things out first anyway, especially since it has only been one month. Most area directors will not be happy to help an au pair find a new family just because she wasn't brought along on an expensive vacation and says she doesn't like the city after only being there for a month. If you are just looking for a way to get to NY or California - area directors will see through that, as will families who will interview you while you are in re-match. (I am not minimizing the issues with the host child; this is really something that the host family needs to work on with you, and if they don't, that could be valid grounds for rematch.) We have had good relationships with all of our au pairs, but we could not afford to take them along on a Mexican vacation. As other posters have pointed out, this could add several thousand dollars to a trip. Though you say they are a well-off family, it may just appear that way to you, but unless you truly know their financial circumstances, how are you sure that they could easily afford to take you on this trip? Did they tell you as much? You also say it will not be a vacation week - so that means that on top of this week off, you will be getting two more. Not a bad deal, in my opinion, especially when you have just started working and have actually only earned one vacation day so far, according to program rules (you earn one day per month). Use the week to explore Philadelphia and try to meet people. Take a trip up to NY for the day, or for a few days. You could have a great time. You definitely shouldn't feel obligated to stick around to open the door for the workers, and hopefully you could ask the HF if they wouldn't mind having someone else do this for them on the days that you plan to be away. Whenever we go away, if there is something that we might want the AP to take care of while we are away (water the plants, let the dog out, take in the mail), we always ask the AP first what her plans are and if she wouldn't mind doing these things, and we make very clear that we can and will ask someone else to do it so that she shouldn't feel obligated. Sometimes our AP would say yes, and sometimes no - either way was fine with us, because we know that is not her job. But often, our AP would be very happy to have the house to herself for a couple of days, and not mind doing a few small things around the house. Other times, she'd have plans or want to be away overnight or not be tied to the house at specific times, and we'd just arrange for others to come in and do these things, the same as we'd do if we did not have an AP.[/quote]
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