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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]9:40, you're generalizing.  I agree that any host family that expects the au pair to eat dinner with them and then clean the whole thing up after them isn't going to have an au pair who wants to eat with the family.  I agree that that is not the way the program is supposed to work and I agree that treating someone like that would be terrible.  Just because that can (and does) happen doesn't mean that most host families are like that and would never dream of "slowly transfering after dinner responsibilities" to their au pair.

So setting all that aside.

The au pair program presents itself as "be a part of an American family!"  It's what many au pairs want.  Many au pairs don't want that, and that's fine too.  It's one of the things you need to look at and think about when you are matching.  But if you are a host family who has presented itself as one who eats dinner together every night and who wants an au pair who wants to spend time with the family, then it's a lovely thing.  It's not a thing where the au pair feels obligated or thinks of it as eating with her boss in the workplace.  I've heard of au pairs rematching BECAUSE their family didn't include them in stuff like dinners and activities.

Just because that doesn't sound like the kind of relationship you would want, don't assume that others wouldn't.  Have you been an au pair?  Do you understand what the program is?  It's not nanny agency.  It's a cultural exchange program too.  You're SUPPOSED to be familial with your au pair.  If you're not inviting her to dinner with the family, then you're not operating in the spirit of the program.[/quote]

Yeah I'm generalizing but so are you assuming that this would be every APs dream. I'm just offering another perspective. I have been a live in nanny (at age 19, so AP age) and eating with the family was nice on occasion, but I often found myself doing the brunt of the work while my MB leaned on the counter talking and watching me work. Yes she was familial and a lovely woman, but those dinners weren't as fun as many MBs are thinking they are![/quote]

Did you miss where I said this?: "It's what many au pairs want.  Many au pairs don't want that, and that's fine too.  It's one of the things you need to look at and think about when you are matching."  And where I agreed that allowing your au pair to do the "brunt of the work" while leaning on the counter watching is unacceptable? [/quote]

Did you see where I said the same damn thing? Making your whole "you're generalizing" post unnecessary. You aren't saying anything new. But I'm the stupid one  :roll: [/quote]

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