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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think there needs to be understanding that if the AP has been with the kids for a long time she may need some down time. Expecting her to immediately jump from working AP role to helping out as a family member (help make dinner and help clean up) isn't really fair to her. [/quote]

Agree with this. That's part of the problem with this blurry lined setup of employee/family member. No one should HAVE to eat dinner with their boss, nor should they have to work while not being paid. Yes watching your kids and cleaning your dishes is work for her and that doesn't change at 5 o'clock. I also understand the feeling that you shouldn't have to ask a family member for help or pay them for said help when preparing dinner/cleaning up. An arrangement that is agreeable to all parties can be reached of course but try to see it from your APs perspective. You're asking her to eat dinner with her boss and essentially to take her work home with her at the end of the day. You may say you have to take your work home but I'm sure you don't like it, and I'm sure your salary reflects the expectation. [/quote]

This is an interesting perspective we are getting here - making dinner with the family sound like an awful ordeal and a chore, when I'm sure many families and au pairs enjoy this as part of the cultural exchange of the program: getting to know each other, talk, share food, etc.  We are a family that does not have dinner with our au pair very frequently because of our schedules - I get home from work very late, and the kids have to go to sleep soon after I get home.  So the kids get fed earlier in the evening (either by the AP or DH, whoever is on "duty" that day at that time), and then the adults eat when they can later in the evening.  Our APs have tended to eat soon after they are off duty, or sometimes with the kids if they are responsible for the kids' dinner that day, and then go out or enjoy a quiet evening in their room.  We invite them to eat with us (me and DH) later in the evening, but they usually don't take us up on that.  (DH and I will usually just collapse in front of the TV for dinner anyway - so it's not really quality "family" time.  Though we have had au pairs who like to join us for particular shows each week, and we make it into "family tv night" with dinner, some wine, conversation, etc.)  But - I have always felt a little bad that we DON'T have family dinner regularly for the APs to join in.  We always make this very clear up front when matching because we assume APs will be disappointed that we don't provide the family dinner experience.

So - hearing so many of you bitter folk make dinner with the family sound like some awful ordeal is pretty interesting.  Are you all trolls, APs, or are you host families?  I certainly understand the reasons why an AP would not want to have family dinner EVERY night of the week (exhausted, just want to veg out, need a break from being around the kids, etc.), but if the relationship between the AP and the family is good, this seems like it would be a nice part of family life.  And I would think that the AP is probably used to helping do a little prep for dinner, or helping clean up afterwards, if she had family dinners back home.  Unless the family actually has the AP act as chef and clean-up maid - and I'm sure there are some bad host families out there that require this - family dinner sounds really nice to me.[/quote]

Family dinner sounds nice yes. How does dinner with your boss sound after a long day at work? How does dinner with your boss and your "work" sound? How does dinner with your boss doing work at your place of business and having to "help" cleanup after, when what everyone wants to do after work is throw their shoes off and sit in peace and quiet for a moment before worrying about dinner, kids, or more work. Its not about bitterness, its just trying to get some of these host families wearing rose colored glasses that the situation isn't as lovely as you think it is. Your AP may enjoy the occasional dinner with your family, heck she may enjoy eating with you every night, but not every AP would and I don't think that makes them a bad employee. I was the oldest girl in my family. That meant my mom or I cooked dinner, and after everyone went about their merry way while I scrubbed dishes, out away the food, and cleared the table. But if you ask my family they all "pitched in" :roll:  I'm sorry, I think it'd be really easy to slowly transfer after dinner responsibilities to your employee and it just doesn't sound fun for the AP. [/quote]

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