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[quote=Anonymous]The au pair/host family set-up is a bit different than a simple live-in nanny.  But here's how we approach it.

1.  When we are matching, we make it clear that we are looking for someone who is interested in being "part of the family."  We clarify that that means that we're looking for someone who actually wants to eat dinner with us a few times a week and do some activities with us occasionally.  We want someone who wants to celebrate holidays as part of our family.  We make it obvious that we're in the au pair program partially to share our lives and learn about a new person - we aren't going to be a good match for someone who works their hours and then hides in their room or leaves every evening and weekend.  So we put that out there before even matching.

2.  Then, we make it clear that we will schedule our au pair for any hours that we expect help.  So if we require her to help with the kids with dinner, those count as her hours.  We tell her that if we don't have her scheduled to work, she is free to do whatever she wants.  And we mean it.  That means that if I'm struggling to make dinner, the kids are climbing all over me, and she's worked all day and therefore just wants to sit up in her room, that is totally and completely fine.

3.  We also tell her that we'd like her to join us for dinner, and that I generally make dinner and then we clean up as a family.  I explain that if I have made her dinner and she has joined us to eat the dinner I made, then she is expected to pitch in to help clean up.  That means that all five of us do something to help (kids included).  It doesn't mean that we leave her to clean up.  It means that I do the dishes, she sweeps the dining room floor, husband dries and puts away, kids put away salad dressing or whatever.  We all help.

That's our set up.  Now all that said, the best au pairs (and the best host families) will realize that if you give a little more, you get a little more.  I 100% honestly do not expect my au pair to do any childcare work when she is not on duty.  But I will admit that, say I've had a really tough day at work and she sticks around a minute to finish up a game she's playing with the kids so that I can get dinner on the table (which she will eat remember), I will remember that.  I will probably be much more likely to feel like doing things such as coming home an hour early so she can make it to a concert she wants to go to.  It works both ways - give a little more, get a little more.

If you are an au pair or host family that wants to do exactly the required minimum and no more, then expect the other party to feel the same way.[/quote]

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