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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here -- would you believe she's in her 50s?  I think she is sort of looking for "insta-family", where she can have that kind of role.  Unfortunately, we're not it.  Thanks for the advice.

Follow-up question -- if we hire a new nanny and he/she asks what happened to the old one, what would you say?[/quote]

NP here.

Yes, as soon as I read your post I thought you must be describing an older nanny. Is she from another country? My guess would be that she is, as that kind of commentary is often a cultural thing when older women are 'entitled' to teach younger people - even their bosses - because of their greater experience.

I wouldn't be comfortable with it either, OP, so I'm not trying to excuse it, but you should know that this isn't uncommon and she almost certainly doesn't mean anything bad by it. I'm not sure if a speech would make a difference, it would probably just put her on edge and make her feel defensive, but I'm curious what you say to her now when she makes those comments?

If you shut her down with a short but firm, "We're really happy with our wallpaper and it's hurtful to hear people criticize it," or, "We all have our vices... mine happens to be soda, what's yours?" you might find you'll get further in your relationship. If you've tried that unsuccessfully or aren't interested in trying it, go for a younger (but not young, something like 25-35) nanny who won't be as likely to feel entitled to criticize you and your choices.[/quote]

OP here -- I actually said something almost exactly like that to the soda comment.  And for some of the other things -- carpet, for instance -- I've said "we are fine with what we have, thanks" and ended the conversation quickly.  The problem is that I hate having to do this 5 times a day in what are very short conversations (when she arrives and when I return home).  And what I didn't add is that I'm about to be home with her for a good four months while I'm on maternity leave beginning in December.  I just don't think that will go well if this hasn't been addressed or we haven't moved on.[/quote]

PP here - it sounds like you've done what you reasonably can, and I would be [b]dreading[/b] maternity leave if I knew I'd have to spend that much time with someone who was judging me! Personally, I'd worry that even if I got her to stop (by saying, say, "Linda, for my own sanity I need to ask you to stop making critical remarks about how my family and I choose to live") that she'd still be thinking it in her head... in which case I would never feel entirely relaxed and comfortable around her.

I think a 25-35yo nanny is probably your best bet at this point - and get her in soon before your new baby comes (congratulations!) so she has time to get acclimated (and your son does too) before more big transitions come along.[/quote]

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