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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm the one who posted that all of my au pair's visitors have made us a traditional dinner from their country or area. I think the poster that is saying that indicates that I'm forcing the help to cook for me is really off-base. We've had two very dear au pairs and we have welcomed both of them to have visitors stay at our house. Both had their boyfriends come - the first for two weeks and the second for one week. The doesn't had her sister stay with us for a week and the second had a friend stay with us for a week. They were lovely visits and I enjoyed meeting other people in her life, but I'll admit they were difficult for our family. Anyone who says that having someone stay in their house for a week or two (especially someone they don't know at all) doesn't cause at least a bit of anxiety and inconvenience is not being upfront.

The first visitor we had for our first au pair was her sister. The sister came, stayed for a week, ate breakfast, lunch and dinner and didn't lift a finger when I would cook dinner and clean up for them. To me, offering to help, picking up a few groceries, helping with the cooking, etc would be a very basic level of politeness for someone who let me stay in their house for a week. Especially if it wasn't even someone I knew personally. But obviously that's not true everywhere. So now it's in our handbook that we expect long-term guests to pick up or replace some basic food items.

Our second visitor offered to cook a big meal for us from his country and it was lovely. Our third and fourth visitors have done the same. It's always fun - we all cook together, the visitor gets to tell us about the meal and his/her traditions and it truly goes to the cultural exchange aspect of the program.

I don't think the poster who feels like we're taking advantage of the help by having a big family cultural dinner gets the program in the least. Our au pairs have not been "the help" - they have been dear members of our family and we have welcomed their visitors and friends at length. [/quote]

The way you phrased it originally did sound awful. The picture you paint in your most recent post is a bit nicer, but I can't help but think what you said originally is how you really think. You ask them to cook for you so you feel "paid back". [/quote]

It makes me feel like my hospitality was appreciated and like they want to do something to show me it was appreciated. I really don't think that's all that novel. Same reason you might bring a hostess gift to a party, or pitch in to help clean up after someone has invited you over for Thanksgiving.  I don't get why that's so awful.  People who go out of their way to he accommodating generally appreciate being thanked for it. [/quote]

Yes, but how is that the case if you ASK for it? "Could you please show me you appreciate my hospitality by cooking for me? Thanks." Are you honestly going to act that its an innocent request and that you wouldn't be salty if they said no?[/quote]

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