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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I would not agree to give a written reference before the end of employment. We had a nanny who worked with us for a short while, and if asked about her early on, I would have said she was good. If asked about her at the end if her employment, I would have said she started out well but her performance changed significantly and she started making frequent unreasonable excuses for lateness, showed some surprising judgment lapses, and is I would not have rehired her and could not in good faith recommend her to anyone else. This isn't about me being angry if a nanny moves on - but being aware that another parent may make a decision based in what I write. I am not going to give a reference based on partial information, and partial information is all I have if asked to write a review before end of job term. [/quote]

I understand what you're saying, and I've seen a lot of MBs say similar things, but what do you suggest a nanny do in order to protect herself? It has happened to too many of us that we do a great job and choose to move on for whatever reason, and we lose the reference because our employer isn't happy we left. Even if they agree to serve as a reference, you don't think anger or frustration might color their recollection of things? Suddenly they remember nanny was late all the time (she was really only late a couple of times with a completely legitimate reason), or she was sick all the time (failing to remember that it was actually your kids that got her sick), or that she had an attitude problem (that you've completely invented in your mind because YOU actually have an attitude now), and so on. What are we supposed to do exactly? Cross our fingers and hope? References are everything in this industry and its just too easy for an employer to screw you with them. [/quote]

This is no different than the risk I run at my professional position.  My employer may feel burned that I left and selectively remember the worst of my time here; but I have to believe that the consistent quality work I've done, and the relationship I've built - as well as making a choice to work with people who hold integrity as a key value - provide me some protection on that front.  There's nothing you can really do about someone who is, at their core, malicious - but that person isn't likely to give you an interim letter of recommendation anyway as they'd be suspicious of your reasons for asking.

In any event, I'd say no to this request from a nanny candidate and I'd explain my reasoning.  But I'm not going to attach my name to a document that could ultimately be very misleading.  I will commit to giving a decent reference to someone who leaves on good terms, even if I wouldn't have wanted her to leave.  But, in the case of someone who was great day to day but agreed to work for a year and left after 6 or 8 months, I'd include in the reference that she left before the agreed-upon term. I'd praise her performance in general but be also be honest about the lack of meeting her commitment. That's fair, that's honest, and that's complete based on the entirety of the experience.  [/quote]

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