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[quote=Anonymous]We have had the same nanny for almost 6 years. Our kids are now 6 and 3; the older goes to school until 3pm and the younger is in a part-time half-day preschool. For the first ~4 years, she was amazing -- proactive, punctual, limited phone use, tons of reading and outdoor play. However, in the last 1-2 years, I have noticed a decline in her performance and an increase in some issues that might not be her fault but just increase the stress and friction of the situation. We have already told her we will not need her past the summer since DC2 will be going to full-day school in the fall, but I'm wondering if there's anything I can do to turn this ship around in the last few months, and what to do about severance/reference. I want to be gracious about what she did for our kids in their baby/toddler years, but her performance for many months has been just okay even with feedback.

For example, she went from making a variety of fresh meals for the kids to giving them basic one-item lunches like boxed mac & cheese or canned chicken soup. To her credit, I talked to her and she started adding hummus and fruit daily, but it's still just what I would call "okay" and not "great." I also had to talk to her about phone use (she would do it while the kids do free play and say no if they came to ask her to play with them) and to her credit, she has cut back on phone use while the kids are awake, but now she uses the entire daily 90 minute naptime as a phone break. Things like food/laundry get done while the kids do free play. She also went from reading probably 30-60 minutes a day to only 1 book and 2-3 videos before naptime, with no other reading on a regular basis. They also almost never play outdoors unless I specifically say "since it is 70 and sunny today, please take DC1 and DC2 to the park at 4pm." Lastly, she went from taking 1-2 sick days per year to 12 a year the past two years -- not her fault, and I don't think she is lying, but still an additional strain on our schedule.

It may be she's just better with babies/toddlers. But I suspect it may have something to do with the fact that about 18 months ago, she broke up with her boyfriend and moved from their apartment (30 minutes drive away) to her parents' house (75 minutes away). This hasn't affected her punctuality in general, but she is less flexible about coming in early/stay late/do any date nights or weekends, and in inclement weather she asks for more time off as it takes longer to get home/come in, the rural roads near her get cleared later than the suburban ones near us, etc. At first she made the move sound like a temporary thing as she mentioned apartment hunting several times, but at this point it's obvious a long-term thing. In fact, she recently told me that she would now be "on call" for her parents' health issues because her brother who was also living there has moved out.

None of these things would be a dealbreaker by themselves. I'm okay with a nanny who's a mediocre cook but great at everything else, or a nanny who does very little reading but spends a lot of time at the park. But all of these things together, especially as compared to what she was doing 2 years ago, make me feel like the boiling frog proverb.

On our end, we have tried our best to make the job sustainable and well-compensated: she works 40-45 hours per week and made $65K last year ($70K if you count the health insurance we pay for her). We start paying her 30 minutes before she needs to leave to pick up DC2 so she has some time to start kid laundry/food prep. She gets all federal holidays, 2 weeks vacation/sick combined of her choice, and 4 weeks vacation our choice. We give 1-2 weeks of holiday bonus and a nice birthday gift in the $200-400 range.

My first preference would be to address this with her in a way that results in substantial performance improvement; if this happens I would feel good about giving her a good severance (6 weeks pay) and glowing recommendation. But I feel that's unlikely based on my efforts to date, so what should I do if it continues to be mediocre until we part ways in the summer? Is it "fair" to give less severance or a recommendation that only gives positives about the baby/toddler years? What should I say if she uses me for a reference (I think this is likely) and someone calls me to ask questions?[/quote]

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