Reply to Conflicted and heartsick re our Nanny of 3 years

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[quote=Anonymous]OP here.  I really appreciate the viewpoint from the former nanny/current mom--thank you.  We have a formal contract from the beginning that sets out specific guidelines.  When we hired her, because she has been in the country for decades, she was pretty good at bridging gaps on the language side.  However, over time it became clear how hard it is for her to understand certain things.  So, the contract, although there, hasn't been very useful for setting a baseline.  Which then makes me feel like we are penalizing her for language proficiency because she can't or won't deliver on certain repeated requests or feels stressed out during "review" type conversations (although she doesn't show it) because of nuances she doesn't grasp. My husband feels even more guilty than I do, but I think that's in part because he isn't on "front lines" as much and has a more permissive view of what is acceptable for childcare.

In fairness for giving a complete picture, she definitely takes initiative on certain tasks we don't ask of her (I have never asked her to iron any clothes, but if my stack of work clothes in the basement gets too high, she'll pitch in if there's a day the toddler is gone with my parents and the baby is napping) and we could pretty well guarantee she would stick with us until our youngest is in school--so the benefits of not hiring someone new who might quit and leave us in a sudden lurch.  I grew up with a younger brother with special needs and parents who both worked, so I probably have a more visceral fear of someone suddenly departing because of the many situations my own mom found herself in during nearly two decades of having childcare at home to help with my brother.

But yes, I do feel we are paying for the most expensive form of childcare out there and would like to receive the benefit of that.  Sigh. [/quote]

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