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[quote=Anonymous]So we are on our second au pair and I've quickly learned how much better this one is than the last.  The kids love her (but more importantly respect and listen to her), which compared to the last one is a game changer.  I see and value this so much.  However, we have some issues:
1. we car share but she is supposed to ask me if its ok for her to use the car (we also provide an Uber credit so she's never without).  Recently, without asking, she took my car to go to the store.  She got into a car accident.  I'm thankful she is ok but really upset she took my car without asking. I feel betrayed by her not telling me (and am honestly not upset about the accident, I understand).  She's just been seeming a little to confident about jet setting all around the area with my car.
2.  She doesn't really listen to our rules with kids (no screen time).  I get in the summer its a lot since the kids are not in school, so I've been sort of letting this go, but its annoying to me.
3.  I feel a little re-traded by her, if you will.  She is consistently looking for more perks, or expanding what we said we would do.  Again, I can say no but I'm just feeling like, why is she pushing??   She was very homesick so we provided her an allowance to buy "special food" at a special grocery store that carries food from her home country.  She's using the allowance to also go out to eat, starbucks, etc.  I suppose this isn't against the rules, perhaps I shouldn't care, but like, that wasn't the point?
4.  She constantly makes comments about how America makes her so sick because we don't eat fruits and vegetables, etc. which just offends me because our house is always stacked and we eat a healthy and varied diet.  This is just annoying more than anything but honestly, i'm offended.
5.  She helps herself to food and wine that I specifically have asked her not to touch.  WE have a big deep freezer in the basement and I've asked her to check with me before consuming food from it, but anything upstairs is fair game.  She doesn't listen and I've been caught without dinner a few times.

How much value should I place on the kids being happy?  OR maybe, this is just what the au pair program is and I'm not cut out for it?  After our first experience, I'm very concerned that if I fix these other things that are upsetting to me, i will lose the quality of the kids being happy and safe.  I guess I'm not sure where to set my expectations.  I am generally a non-confrontational, accommodating person so it has been an adjustment for me.  I'm also really trying to be flexible since I remember being young and whatnot, but I also think my expectations for her to be a little more considerate are there.  Help me.[/quote]

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