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[quote=Anonymous]We found ourselves in rematch just 2 months in, because our first Au pair wanted to be close to a big city and wants a family with an extra car. Our new AP is great with the kids she is also good at making sure the kids clean up after themselves. Our kids are school age (9,11)so we don’t want her cleaning up after them but just to prompt them to clean. She does much better job with them than our old AP. The problem is her staying out so late. We told her that we have no curfew as long as she came home at a reasonable time. Our mistake was not defining what reasonable was. My thinking was that we did not have a curfew for our last AP and she came back home around 9pm and I thought that even if she came home at 12 midnight that that would still be reasonable. Our new AP on the other hand has been coming home around 6am in the morning. Initially she gave an excuse about the AP she went to visit does not like to drive at night so she didn't have a ride home. Sometimes she tells me she is just taking a walk in the neighborhood in the evening and doesn’t one back 3 or 6am. sometimes she says she's just going out to dinner and doesn't come back until 6am. I am leaving to go to work and she's just coming back.  So I finally had a sit down with her. I told her that coming back home at 6am is way too late and we agreed that midnight is more reasonable. I made it clear that I don't want to police her free time. I want her to enjoy her free time and use it as she pleases but she has to be honest. I gently confronted her about the time she claimed to be going for a walk and came back home 12 hours later. I told her that she needs to be honest and needs to communicate, and she was in agreement. For two days she came back home around 11pm (she goes out every night by the way - Her. previous host family had an 8pm curfew). Fast forward to now, I wake up to text sent at 1:30am that says sorry to text late but my new boyfriend came to pick me up and I plan to spend the weekend with him. There are 3 reasons this bothers me 1. I feel disrespected because I think she feels she can come and go as she pleases, 2. My oldest daughter is 11 and very mature for her age  may think this is normal and that when she is older she can just do the same and last 3. The boyfriend, I suspected she was going out with a guy and was just not being honest, which is fine. What bothers me about this situation is that when we casually  asked her (after she arrived)what her plans are after the first year was, she said she wanted to marry for the papers. While my husband appreciated the honesty, it was a bit of a turn of for me but I didn't think too much of it. Now all I can think of is if she decides to just marry this guy or any guy for papers then we are back in rematch. she lived with her previous host family for just 1 month in a different state and had a boyfriend there.  She has only been with us for 3 weeks and already has a new boyfriend. She seems like someone who is on a mission. While all of these are her personal decisions, they will have an impact on us. My husband on the other hand thinks I am overthinking and has no problem her leaving a 1am because she is duty. I am trying to get people's thoughts or experience on this. A part of me wants to consider rematch. Thanks in advance.[/quote]

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