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[quote=Anonymous]Looking for support / perspective.  Our (first and only) au pair is finishing her second year with us.  Her last day of work is Friday and she leaves us on Saturday.

Last week we took a ski vacation.  We gave her the option of going or staying.  We made clear that if she went, she would be working for some of it but we would give her several hours off each day to ski/enjoy herself.  She wanted to go.  We paid for her ski rentals, lift tickets and of course all food.  Wanted her to have a good trip.

On Saturday, we all watched Encanto together.  She was super moody but that's normal for her.  While the credits rolled, my kids (2, 4, 7) danced around.  My 4 year old was tossing her teddy bear in the air and catching it.  Au pair was sitting on the couch.  The 4 year old tossed the teddy bear and it accidentally landed on the au pair.  We're talking under arm toss from a four year old, who is singing and dancing and having fun.  Au pair grabs the bear and forcefully throws it directly at my 4 year old's face.  It hits my child in the face, hard.  4 year old stops dead in her tracks, and you can see the shock and fear pass through her face.  Starts crying.

Me: "what on earth are you thinking?!"  
Au pair: "she threw it at me first!"
Me:  "yeah, but she's a CHILD and she was having fun.  You're an adult." (She's 22!)
Au pair:  "Fine, sorry."  She then goes to her room.

Husband wasn't there, but I tell him that night.  He mentions it in passing to her again, basically asking, what the hell?!  She gets upset that we are calling her out.  She doesn't speak to us (or the children) the entire way home and when we arrive home, she immediately jumps out of my car and into our third car and takes off.  Doesn't tell us where she's going.  Doesn't help us unload the car, doesn't thank us for the trip.  Is gone for several hours and when she comes back home at 10 PM, she slams her door shut.

This is basically the straw the broke the camel's back.  I start reflecting on the last two years.  Her difficult personality.  Her mental instability.  Her immaturity.  Her application said she loved kids and had lots of experience.  In the months after her arrival, I begin to realize those were lies she told to get in the program.  But by that time, she'd been with us for months,  we were in a pandemic and I didn't want to go through rematch.  So I compensated for her shortcomings and lowered my expectations.  I didn't ask her to do anything more than watch the children (no laundry, no meal prep, no homework).

But watching her throw something at my child, on purpose?  It crossed a line.

I only have 4 more days of her in my house, but I can't even look at her.  We were going to host her au pair friends for a farewell dinner at our house tomorrow night. I was also going to do a cash bonus plus some gifts.  Now I don't want to do anything.  I just want her gone!!!

Help me get through this week... should I cancel the farewell dinner or suck it up and host it?  Given her appalling behavior I think the cash bonus and gifts are off the table.

BTW according to my husband the reason she was moody was because she had just found out through social media that a guy she previously dated is now dating someone else.  This girl has zero coping skills.  There's no reason to hit a child with a toy, much less because some guy you casually dated has moved on...[/quote]

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