Reply to Getting 5 Year Old to "Obey" AP

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[quote=Anonymous]We have a new AP, she's been with us a few weeks now. We had a nanny before this, and didn't have any discipline problems in that situation. But my 5 1/2 year old is frequently not "obeying" the new AP. Her English is not very developed, but he understands well enough if she is telling him to come inside, or do a chore, etc. I'll talk to him and he'll say, "Oh, yeah, she asked me like 30 times to come inside." He explains his brain just wasn't working properly at that time and he didn't want to do so. I feel I have two choices - either intervene at that time if I'm working in my home office (she texts me often like "he's not doing what I say"), or come up with consequences later. But I also don't want to create a tense relationship between them, as so far the kids adore her, so I don't focus on the aspect of it being HER so much as him not doing what we was told.

For my own purposes, I use 1-2-3 Magic, but I don't know she's ready for it. You can't threaten a consequence you aren't ready to implement, and it requires a certain level of fastidiousness and intolerance for kid BS. He'll do something annoying like chanting "water water water" while he's eating (not normal behavior). Of course I, and the departed nanny, would suggest he ask nicely before moving a muscle to assist (in no small part because he is also capable of getting his own water at meals). But the very sweet and new AP will just hand him water like he's the King of Siam. I have of course mentioned requiring manners in a more general sense but she is so far still kind of... very "nice."

He is perfectly sweet to her, just not obedient at times. She is small, young, and kind. Which is otherwise working great with the rest of the family. I've given the new AP a run down on our disciplinary philosophy, but from what I can tell so far, she is probably never going to be a disciplinarian. When he is disobedient, he is often quite friendly about it, like, "No thanks, I do not prefer to do that at this time." But this can become an issue especially when its happening while the caretaker is trying to coerce younger children to do things.

How do I navigate this? I'm extremely happy with our AP, but I also don't want my son giving her so hard a time (as she's trying to tend to our other kids as well) that it makes her work unpleasant. And I am otherwise glad she's very nice and kind, but need to inspire her to exercise a little more backbone so I don't end up with a little a-hole on my hands.

Thanks for any suggestions! xo[/quote]

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