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[quote=Anonymous]I'm trying to gauge what kind of expectations are reasonable for how much others' APs engage with the kids they watch? how good are they at cleaning up after the kids? I appreciate this is not to be compared with a professional nanny, but I want to get a sense of what is reasonable to expect? I know a few friends with APs who are fabulous and super engaging with their kids, but not sure if that's the exception or the norm.

For context, our AP is watching our 4 year old and 10 month old since January. She only watches the 4 year old 3 days a week, other two days are just the 10 month old. On days she watches both, she mostly carries around the baby, and leaves the 4 year old to play by himself all day. We've repeatedly given her craft kits, games, toys etc we've ask her to do with our 4 year old, and given her suggestions of outdoor activities to take both kids, but it rarely happens and she shows no initiative in engaging the kids. On days she watches just the baby, we've given her the Lovevery kits which guide her through activities and provide all the necessary toys for activities, but she'll do it once and then put it aside and never touch it again.

Especially based on her profile (preschool teacher before coming over while finishing masters, profile talked about how excited she is to engage and teach kids, play games, sing songs, play legos, play board games, make believe etc) and her interview where she talked about how much she loved engaging and playing with kids, and gave all these great examples of what she'd love to do with our kids, this is not what we expected. When we broach the subject, she will do precisely what we ask and only that for a day, and then it goes back to the status quo of no engagement with our kids. The 4 yo started saying he doesn't like her because she doesn't pay attention or ever play with him. She also sucks at cleaning up after the kids (putting toys away at the end of the day, cleaning up when they make a mess eating etc), but they are otherwise safe and fed.

Also if anyone has suggestions, happy to take them. We've had a few conversations with her about this to be upfront with expectations, but it does not seem to be making a dent.

(and for all those who are worried we are being unfair or not treating her well, she has a huge room with a private bathroom and her own mini kitchen on a floor of the house we don't use after 7 pm to give her privacy, we have done everything we can to make her feel comfortable while away from home, including buying books and food she likes, planning family outings on weekends around her interests, giving her a lot of leeway including breaking certain house rules to support her new-found love, and taking her to touristy things around DC to extent we can in COVID times to ensure she's getting to see the city).[/quote]

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