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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]MB here. OP - I sympathize, and i also agree with 20:35.

We struggle w/ sibling dynamics in our house, and having all of us (2 kids, 2 parents and a nanny) all cooped up in the house all day, for months on end, in stressful and worrying times.... is incredibly hard for everyone.

I know that all of this makes me prone to frustration, and then prone to taking that frustration out on things I feel I might actually be able to control (like work, or kids, or a nanny, or a marriage,...) rather than on the things that are the biggest problem and with which I have the least control - like the pandemic.

When we hit rough patches with our nanny (as has happened over the 9+ years and 3 nannies we've had) we try to step back - way back, and carefully look at our priorities and stress levels. Right now might be a time when you consciously decide it's ok to be less than perfect, it's ok to allow some screen time, it's ok for your nanny to be reflecting the exhaustins/depression/anxiety we're all feeling and so forth. And then it's important to remind yourself that you have stable, reliable, trusted, safe childcare. What does that make possible for you in your work, marriage, mental health,...? How stressful would it be to find a new nanny - any time, let alone during the pandemic? Would "dropping the rope" on this for a couple of months be something you could live with? Would giving your nanny the week of Thanksgiving off as a time to reset be possible for you, and valued by her? Might your conversations go differently with her if you approached her with "Hey, I know we've been pushing hard for more interaction with the kids, more hands on time, etc... I feel kind of at the end of my rope with life these days, and I want to try to figure out how not to take that out on people around me, and how to make sure the kids feel as little of that tension as possible. How are you feeling? What do you think the family needs? Is there anything that might help you enjoy your time with the kids more?"

One of my mantras, which I have to remind myself of REGULARLY, is that I care most that my kids make it through this pandemic healthy, and as free of anxiety as possible. I want to emphasize fun and laughter in the house, even at the expense of some of our usual screentime or schedule boundaries, or even at the expense of being high achieving at virtual school.

You're in this for the long haul right now - and I think the day to day calm and stability of the house might argue for working with your known scenario for another 6 months.

It is true that some nannies are better w/ babies and others are better w/ older kids. Our first nanny was amazing with our twins until they hit about 3 - and then they got to be a little too much for her physically and in terms of managing preschool. Our second nanny was absolutely fantastic in terms of energy level for 4 yr olds but she only wanted a year commitment. Our current nanny is going into year 5 with us and things have been difficult during the pandemic. (I'm the poster in the employer column with the "potentially sad outcome" scenario.) But we are making it work.

I think as much patience, understanding, and flexibility as you can find are good OP.  I'd encourage you to just find a way to make this work for the time being. Your kids won't suffer permanent harm if the nanny can't keep them fully engaged, as long as she is providing calm, loving, stable care. And if keeping her lets you and your husband work, be calm, and feel like things are generally under control, then you are doing great.

hang in there![/quote]Thank you so much for taking the time to write this. (Not OP)[/quote]

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