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[quote=Anonymous]We have been in a nanny share for 2 years this June. We found the family first and then my husband and I found the nanny on our own and brought her into the share. There was about a three month gap in maternity leave (the other mom had 6 months and had her baby a little after me, I had 4) where the nanny just worked for us while we waited for the other family to join us.

Since the share "officially" started when they joined we have had a variety of issues, big and small. When her daughter joined at 6 months she sent a schedule down to every 10 minutes with things she wanted the nanny to do with her daughter - "8:00am-8:10am: Take her outside for fresh air, 8:10am-8:20am: Quiet Time - Books Only, etc, etc" - this obviously didn't last long but it was a red flag from the very beginning. Later on in the share we got into a huge heated debate about nap schedules. Her daughter was 16 months and still napping 2x per day and my son was down to one nap, so her daughters nap schedule was getting in the way of them going to the park in the morning (she wouldn't allow stroller naps - had to be in crib). When I mentioned potentially dropping the nap/asking when she thought she would drop the nap she completely freaked out on me. She started attacking my character and thought we were being completely unreasonable by even suggesting she make a change to her daughters schedule. She eventually apologized and they dropped the nap, but it definitely wasn't without drama. Our nanny loves their daughter and tolerates them, but it's always been pretty clear we are closer to her and she has even said we are her preferred family.

Fast forward to today, the kids are a little over two and they just told us they're expecting their second child in August. We have been unhappy for quite some time and see this as a great opportunity to exit the share. We're also trying for #2 and we really don't have any interest in going in even deeper with them in nanny share - adding more children, etc. We have already spoken to the nanny to ask if in the future she would be interested in just working for us and not doing share anymore (we would pay her full salary) and she was more than happy with that arrangement. We obviously know she will miss the little girl she's been watching, but she's fine with the arrangement of being a private nanny.

My question is really - what would you do in this situation? How much notice should we give them? General thoughts? How would you communicate it to them? We've been unhappy for probably well over a year, but have stayed in the share because it works and it's tolerable and we hardly ever have to see them with the way our houses are laid out/playroom setup. We have no interest being in the share with them with more kids as I know exactly how she is about schedules and don't want our toddler locked into her rigid structure/expectations and we're fine paying the nanny's full salary and she's happy with that arrangement as well. The relationship is pretty tension-filled. We can have conversations with them, but they tend to snap at us/talk to us poorly when they aren't getting their way or don't agree with us. [/quote]

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