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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You are wrong about one thing here, you can't force her to come to your weekend home just to come help on Sunday nights (or other hours). She doesn't get to spend her time off as she pleases if she's there, you have to understand that as well.
You enjoy your weekend home but would you if you were a 20 yo Au Pair?
What can't you handle by yourself on a Sunday night that would absolutely require her help?

You should have a reset conversation about her if she does the bare minimum and address what she can do better but you have to be respectful of her time off.

I'd find a way to ask her to come once in a while and really help you on these weekends so you and your husband can enjoy some down time.
You were super nice to have her family over and she should accept to give back as well. But she can't be forced.

She's the kind of Au Pair who apparently doesn't want to spend time with your family. 
That's sad.
I am a former Au Pair and my host family never included me in anything, they were not interested in that part of the programme, I was just there "to work". I had to accept it and move on. [/quote]

I am not forcing her to spend her weekends off at our house - I would be scheduling her to work part of the weekends (likely
Saturday evening so dh and I can go out), since she can have other times off. Our previous au pairs loved going there because it is relaxing, and we also often let them invite friends up for the weekend. We specified before matching that we expect ap to come up some weekends. I don’t think I am being unreasonable to ask her to come up 1-2 weekends per month. But apparently she already has other plans. Do I make her come anyway? [/quote]

I would start with a reset conversation -- tell her how much the kids love her, how great she is -- really try to start off on a good foot.  But point out any emails/handbooks where you state that weekends are part of the job and that she has to tell you before inviting people over.   To be nice, ask her to pick two weekends she can work this month and which are really important for her to be off.  In the future, use a google calendar or calendar at home to block out months ahead which weekends you expect her to be "on".
All that said, you can force her to work but can't force her to spend time with your family.  Some APs (and we had one) just aren't capable or don't want that connection.  But if you have to "force" her to do either, maybe she's not a good AP and should go into rematch or go home.
  [/quote]

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