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[quote=Anonymous]I tend to be neutral/pleasant. If she wasn't good at something, don't mention it at all (don't say she was a pleasure to have in your home, for example). But it's hard, I get it. Our current AP is great with the kids - I now realise that the reference focussed on that and didn't mention the things that she's not great at. It said, 'whenever we asked her to do something, she did it', but what they didn't say was that you need to ask for the same things to be done over and over again (saying, 'please always do X' works for about 1-2 weeks), and she never takes initiative. But how would the HF have written a reference that conveyed that? I also always say that the person can contact me - I find it easier to say verbally 'if you're expecting X (e.g. a warm, easygoing family relationship', maybe this person isn't the right fit for you', but if that's not important to you and you want Y 'someone who is good at keeping your kids safe', then maybe they are). Or maybe tell her you would prefer them to contact you by phone directly?
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