Reply to What do you wish you had been stricter about at the beginning? What SYSTEMS/checklists have helped?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]are there appropriate ways to ensure responsibilities are completed? (All my kids are very young, so not much help yet. And tidiness is very important to me.)[/quote]

I can tell you what my friend's HF thought was "appropriate" to ensure responsibilities were completed. [Spoiler alert: none of the APs she knew thought those ways were appropriate]

A weekly multi page to-do / checklist, clearly structured into "kids activities", "child-related cleaning" and "general household contributions" (I can't remember the terminology they used but generally those three categories), each category was about a page long. By Friday night each box had to be ticked. Every week. No matter what.

For activities it would list things such as
- zoo
- pool
- library
If they hadn't been at the zoo by Thursday, they had to go on Friday. Tornado warning? A foot of snow? Baby throwing up? Did. not. matter. It's on the list. It has to be completed.
Same was true for every other item on the list.

How they made sure she did it all you wonder? Easy. They constantly threatened her with rematch. They were her third family. They knew she was out of options.
Why they were her third family? Her first family moved to an area the agency didn't serve. Her second family divorced, both moved, neither wanted to keep the AP. She was with family #3 by the four month mark.

She stuck it out. I still have no idea why. I would have been home in an instant.

So... being a dick is the easiest way to make sure your AP lives up to your expectations. However, it's also the easiest way to make sure that you relationship is less than stellar and unless your AP is desperate she will be gone quicker than you can say "mop the entry hall."

I agree with PP. Cleanliness and tidiness are driven by personality more than by checklists (unless you add putting your AP under pressure to the mix). Some people just "see" stuff and will not step over it but will make sure it gets taken care of. Some don't. You can put it on her to-do list and hope it gets done and yes, you may even want to add weekly meetings to the mix in which you go through what you thought was done well or not so well (especially early on).. or you hire a cleaner who you can be a dick to because they don't live with you. AP is responsible for the kids, picking up after them and making sure they are clean, fed and happy, and asked to pitch in with chores as a family member and you get somebody else to do the cleaning. APs are babysitters. They are not nannies. They are not housekeepers.[/quote]

Thank you for your feedback. I appreciate hearing this story and your opinion. Yes, you are probably right that most people simply don't want to sail on a tight ship, and I'd like to balance my expectations so this is helpful. I do have a cleaning person (just once a month, but for the things that require scrubbing and such), I would not expect a childcare person to do true cleaning, just to keep the children's areas tidy, do children's laundry, and clean up after herself in terms of when she uses the kitchen, that kind of thing. I don't even need general household contributions really other than to not make it worse. I've explained a bit more in another reply above this one in terms of my position. In that person's answer to my OP, they made a comment that implied nannies do housekeeping as well, which I've simply never known. I do know a young American babysitter who, when she heard I was seeking an au pair, said she's interested in the position even at the same pay/benefits. And she's quite good with my children, albeit not as tidy as I prefer, she sort of tries. But, you are right, that's just a personality issue and I've never really pressed it for that reason. I will consider all this and look into a nanny's responsibilities to expand my frame of thinking. Thanks again.

OP[/quote]

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