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[quote=Anonymous]She is not a child.  She is allowed to go on dates, have sex, get pregnant even.  It is not your job or your right to stop any of that from happening.

That said, you need to have a reset conversation about things that actually affect your family:

1) Her use of the car.  You can’t insist that she be home at any particular time, but it’s fair to say that she can’t have the car with her if she’s going to be out past a certain time because you don’t want her drinking and driving or even just driving when she’s been up all night and is overtired and more likely to make a mistake.

2)  what time she is out until on work nights. It’s reasonable to say that she needs to get a decent amount of sleep before caring for your children, so if she has early morning hours it is fair to set a curfew only for nights when she will be working the next morning.

3)  having her gentlemen callers in your home. I would set a firm boundary that she is not to bring them home. She clearly does not want you meeting or interfering with them and that is fine, but it is not OK for her to be sneaking people in and out of your house without your knowledge, so I would set a new rule that they are not allowed to come to your house at all.

You cannot set a rule about this, but I would make sure that she knows that the downside of dating around is that not everyone is who they appear to be, and with different cultural norms and a slight language barrier, it’s possible that it will be harder for her to identify someone who may be bad news in time to avoid being in a tricky situation with them. Tell her that you understand she doesn’t want to report to you, but  that it is a basic safety protocol but the first time she meets someone from an app should be in a public place, and she should always tell someone else who she’s going to be with and where before getting into their car.  If she doesn’t want that person to be you, she should still choose a friend she trusts and make sure that that friend has your number.  As for birth control, she should actually be using condoms regardless to avoid disease, but you can put out the information again and this time rather than offering to take her or help her get birth control just give her the information she needs to do it on her own if she decides that that’s something she wants. [/quote]

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