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[quote=Anonymous]MB here.  I would not be ok with this - at all.

I would be direct and clear.  I'd set up a time to talk, framed something to talk about the workload, plans for a new baby, etc...

Be prepared to talk at some length about all of the things she does well, that you appreciate and value, which you consider yourselves lucky to benefit from etc...   Then talk about how you would love to have this relationship continue and have her stay with the family as you grow.  Then...

"There is one thing that I feel we haven't figured out yet though.  Once or twice a week I feel like you come to work in a bad mood, sometimes you snap at me, sometimes you have things you ask us to do, and sometimes you say it's nothing.  I feel uncomfortable and I think the baby can pick up on these dynamics.  Can you talk about what you think is going on?"  Then allow silence until she says something.  If she says it's nothing, or turns criticism back on you...

"Well, a fundamental requirement for this to work is that you and I (and a father/partner?) are all on the same page and we communicate well, and that isn't happening.  "

Then keep talking.  BUT - it is not your job to make her happier (assuming you're paying a good wage, offering comptetivie benefits, good working environment, etc...)  Give her every opportunity to reasonably express any complaints or concerns and address them as you see fit.  If she has none, then make your expectations clear - that you expect a collegial, professional relationship - exactly as you are extending to her.  And if she continues to seem unhappy coming to work, or angry/uncomfortable with you as an employer, then perhaps this isn't the right fit for the long term.  And I'd say something that direct.

Do not feel enslaved by or beholden to your nanny.  If you have to move on you will, and can. (I speak from experience with a similar dynamic in a long-term nanny.) This should be a professional, collaborative relationship - not one where you are snapped at and criticized in your home.

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