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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Our au pair is lazy and barely does the bare minimum. I’ve asked her if she’s read our handbook, sent her a list of suggested activities to do with my two kids, etc but so far no improvement. She spends most of the day on the couch looking at her phone and sometimes falls asleep while on duty. I can’t imagine continuing like this but the thing is she started around the holidays and things are chaotic with lots of family visiting so it’s definitely not our usual routine. But I’m paranoid because if she’s this lazy/checked out while my husband and I are here, I worry that she’ll be like this or worse in our absence and that she will just stick our kids in front of screens until we come home. Any suggestions for getting an AP to show more initiative? Am I headed for rematch?[/quote]

(a) Don't "asked her if she’s read our handbook".  Sit down together with her and go through the handbook one line at a line.  Yes, it is tedious but for some AP, that's the only way.

(b) Don't just "sent her a list of suggested activities to do with my two kids".   Tell her on Monday, do X and on Wed. do Y and make it very clear that you expect to see the the result of the art and craft project or when you ask the kids, they can confirm that AP did indeed take them to the park or library or whatever activity was scheduled.  For some AP, it is hyper-prescriptive because they are not proactive.  If you need a proactive AP who takes the initiative or just don't want to micro-manage, then rematch and find an AP who will take the initiative.

(c) If you see her "most of the day on the couch looking at her phone and sometimes falls asleep while on duty", what do you do?  Do you immediately wake her up? When she is on the phone, do you immediately say something?  Tell her where to keep her phone while on duty that is acceptable to you.

(d) I tell my AP that even when I am home, if AP is on-duty, then she is the primary childcare person and is the one to jump first when the kids needs help.  If my kid comes to me, I turn him around and send him over to the AP. I train both my kid and AP on what is expected when AP is on-duty and mom is home.  Some AP step back when the parents are home - could be out of deference (positive) or laziness (negative). If it is deference, just make it clear what her role is when you are home and make her comfortable that it is okay to step in and give her the authority to be in-charge when she is on-duty, regardless of who else is at home.

(e) Has she been sitting the kids in front of screens or just your worry?  If she has not yet, then clarify and describe what you expect her day with the kids should be like, when she is alone with them and emphasize no screen time, if that's a rule for you.  If she is already doing it, then step in and turn the screen off and pull the AP aside away from the kids and tell her immediately.

Corrective action is most effective in the moment when it is most relevant.[/quote]

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