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[quote=Anonymous]I’ve been HM for 6 years. I think you’re looking at this the wrong way. It’s disingenuous to say APs are family members. They’re not. It’s a cultural exchange, but they’re employees. Plain and simple. I’ve found APs appreciate this honesty, and it helps set boundaries. Approaching the HF AP relationship as a “member of the family” never ends well for either party. And, treating an AP like a child isn’t doing her any favors.

She is an adult. Dont tell her to make her bed and clean her room. That’s ridiculous.

She is an AP. It’s not her responsibility to clean house on weekends or walk the dog.

On the other hand, it’s her responsibility to keep the house tidy when she is taking care of the kids. Tell her it would be nice to clean the mug, but also let her know you don’t expect her to be a housekeeper for adults. Ask her to make 3 meals a week for the kids. Give her recipes. Tell her exactly what you want. Be direct. Don’t feel guilty. She will not do everything you ask. You will have to remind her. Ask several times. That’s normal. Eventually she will catch on.

Key is to take emotional charge out of work-related requests. Be warm when she talks about her life and interests. Be kind when she is sick or makes a honest mistake. Be firm about what you need.

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