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[quote=Anonymous]Have you considered a live-in nanny?  Many of us can afford to (and are willing to) accept lower salaries for a family who really needs help, but can’t afford the typical, as long as other benefits measure up.  Also, many split shift nannies have experience with ADHD in one or more charges, possibly combined with something else, but we don’t always bill ourselves as special needs nannies, because it limits the families who are interested.

Try a nanny agency.  Ask how many candidates they have available right now that could handle the rough start while your child gets to know the nanny, her rules and her routine.  You want someone who is hyper organized, someone who will create a schedule and not deviate at all for the first couple weeks, because as your child realizes that the nanny is organized and will help him become more organized, he should begin to relax a bit more.  On the anxiety front, you want a nanny willing to sit down with at least this child immediately, sans parents, and they need to create a set of rules.  These may not be rules you need as a family, but these will be enforced anytime the nanny is with the kids.  When your son has input into the rules and consequences, and the rules are enforced consistently, calmly and with empathy, anxiety will drop, because he will start to understand that he can’t drive away the nanny, but maybe it’s okay.

Every live-in nanny I know is prepared for three things.  
1. The kids usually are angelic for two days (maximum), then there’s at least two weeks of horrible behavior, trying to drive you away.  Sometimes it’s things like dropping her toothbrush in the toilet on purpose, sometimes it’s tantrums (including kicking and screaming on the floor) from a preteen when screentime limits are enforced.  These are things that seasoned adults can handle, but APs just aren’t equipped.
2.  Finding the boundaries with the parents can be tricky, especially if the nanny needs to organize the house in order to live and work there.  Having a live-in nanny is NOT the same as having an AP, and the same rules can’t apply.
3.  Eventually, the relationship with the whole family makes the initial month or two worth it.  We have the opportunity to get to know our employers, more than a live-out nanny ever can, and the kids become closer to being ours.  It’s normal for me to walk in the door on my day off and be hugged by my charges, just like it’s normal for me to be peppered with questions on my way out about where I am going, whether they can come too, and why they can’t come.  I love being able to really talk to my employers, about things that have nothing to do with their kids or my job.

Tl/dr:  try a nanny agency, ask for a live-in nanny experienced with ADHD and anxiety, and someone organized who will set up a routine and rules/consequences with your child’s input.  Then stand back and let her work it out with your son.[/quote]

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