Reply to Update: Wonderful nanny smokes, am I a bad mom to keep her?

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[quote=Anonymous]I made a post a few days ago about suspecting that my nanny was smoking before coming to work each day. I called the agency to ask if they had screened for smoking, and they said that they'd actually received complaints from two of this nanny's prior families about suspected smoking before work (never on the job), but she fervently denied it and was very offended, so it was he-said-she-said. Kind of frustrated with this agency because I'd told them I wanted a Mary Poppins candidate and was willing to pay top dollar for it and they still did not disclose this to me... but that's not relevant here.

On the pro side, I love this nanny - she is very engaged with my toddler, educated, creative, just everything you'd want. I had a nanny before this who was the opposite - I'd take my kid to the library and they'd say "Oh hi, we recognize your kid because your nanny brings the kid in and texts for 2 hours every afternoon!" So the background is that I'm a FTM who really wants stable, loving care for my baby and has already dealt with replacing one nanny. I can't imagine finding a better nanny than the current nanny, minus the smoking issue.

On the con side, research indicates that thirdhand smoke can cause lung and brain damage in mice. The studies were done to mimic a smoker's home, and I'm not sure if my child is getting the same level of exposure from being around a smoker's clothes/car. But both of my parents died from cancer, so I do take this seriously. My child needs to be driven around in this nanny's car, and I am concerned that the car smells like smoke, for instance. Not sure how to gracefully ask the nanny if I can smell the inside of her car, but I don't want my toddler to be driven around in a smoke box. I really dislike conflict, which is making this all more difficult.

I spoke to the nanny about this and just said "I smell smoke sometimes when you arrive, could you change your clothes when you get here?" She denied being around anyone who smokes (she lives alone), and acted mystified. She didn't agree to change her clothes, though I think she would if I pushed it. The next two days she came to work and did not smell like smoke. Assuming that she is smoking, I think it's 1-2 cigarettes a day - just enough to give a slight/moderate smokey smell in the morning that is gone by the time I get home. I don't care if she's smoking, or if she's around someone who smokes, doesn't make a difference - I just need her to not smell like smoke when she's holding my child.

Parents and nannies, am I crazy to keep this nanny? Is it going to turn into constant drama of "you smell like smoke, you need to change your clothes?" Or should I just suck it up and be grateful that I have such a loving, interactive nanny, and accept that no nanny is going to be perfect? What would you do if you were in my shoes? Thank you for taking the time to read this.[/quote]

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