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[quote=Anonymous] I think it depends on what your definition of bonding is. Does he have fun with the nanny? Does he feel safe expressing emotions with her? Does he feel comfortable laughing and being silly and her presence? Is she calm and affectionate with him?  If you are wanting him to forget about his previous nanny and are expecting him to stop talking about her as a benchmark that he has bonded sufficiently with the new nanny, then I think your expectations are just not realistic. The old nanny was a big part of his life and important person. Imagine losing someone that you used to see every week for your entire life as far back as you can remember.  So he will probably never have that same bond with a different nanny. But he can have a different bond more like a friend versus a third parent.

As for practical advice to help you get there, I’m not sure what the schedule is, but if she is only coming over in the evenings and is only responsible for rushing him through the logistics of the bedtime routine and then putting him to bed, then he is going to associate her with Mom leaving and having to get ready for bed. That’s not going to be helpful in terms of getting them to connect.   If that rings true, then I would see if she’s available to come over earlier in the day or on a different day when the three of you can do something fun all together, and then having her come a few more times to do something fun with your son like take him to a movie or museum or other outing he might enjoy.

Another thing to consider is that a lot of kids feel disloyal liking the new nanny or think on some level that if they just refuse to accept any new nannyies, then the old nanny will have to come back. If you think that might be a factor at all, you should invite both nannies to do something fun at the house together such as play card games with you and DS. Let old nanny know that the goal is for her to reinforce ny words and actions that it is OK to like the new nanny and it is not disloyal and that she loves him and will still be in his life. [/quote]

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