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[quote=Anonymous]I'm a live-in nanny with a 6 year old (undiagnosed, although moving in that direction, and so unmediated) along with two other children.  We have the same behavior (and worse).  There are a few things I can suggest, but it takes willingness from all the adults and kids.

Some activities help (martial arts) because there's a focus on certain movements and control.  Sports like baseball, basketball and soccer help in the moment but create more issues later in the day.  I highly suggest a martial arts program, specifically one geared to developing control and safety for 4-8 year olds.  We are seeing so many benefits, I can't even pinpoint them all.

The parents were completely upfront about all possible issues during the hiring process.  They were happy to have me speak with anyone who had worked with them previously.  I've talked to all the teachers, doctor, specialists, etc.  If I have any ideas, they are happy to discuss and try them if they think there's a glimmer of a possibility that it may help.  They have enlisted teachers to help throughout the day with known major issues, and the school is amazing.  Had they been in denial, or if they had been hiding issues, I would have walked during the trial period.  If they hadn't allowed me to talk to the teachers and others, I wouldn't have put in the effort that I have, and I may have gotten frustrated enough to walk after only a month or two.  But they are wonderful employers and parents, and they value what I do.

While I had some sn experience prior to this family, it's been an eye-opener.  You may want to look for someone with some sn experience as an indicator of patience, creativity and dedication, but just because someone doesn't have experience with a child with similar behavior doesn't mean it won't work.

Personally, I love the rapport with the kids when I live with them.  If I didn't live with this family, we wouldn't have progressed to the place we are now.  However, live-in nannies come with their own issues, and if you don't have space, it won't work anyway.

One of the things we are doing (sometimes works, sometimes not as much) is delaying homework.  When he gets home, there's a high-protein snack and fresh fruit, then he plays with his siblings outside, finally we go to an activity.  When we get home, we do showers and dinner, and the kids choose the order for those.  We only do homework after dinner and shower are done, that way he knows how much time is left until bedtime, and he knows he can have any time left after homework to play or watch television.  There's fewer arguments about doing homework now, and he's also calm enough when he starts that now he feels more confident that he can do it on his own (unless it's something that requires adult help, like math facts or sight words).

No matter who is with the child, yelling only escalates the situation.  When it happens when I'm working, the best thing I can do is stand between him and his siblings (blocking line of sight), keep a quiet, calm tone no matter how much I want to scream (and my face remains stoic, best I can do, I can can't smile or he thinks I'm laughing), and place my hand gently on his shoulder or chin to get his attention when I am talking to him.  I am very, very careful to keep all directions reasonable, and while I can always explain why the kids need to do something, I only give explanations during moods if one of the kids asks calmly.  If the current nanny is yelling at your son, she is escalating the situation.  You may want to talk to her about it, or look into a new nanny asap.

I wish you luck!  I love my charges, but yes, there are times I wish the kids had more self-control.  But we're getting there![/quote]

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