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[quote=Anonymous]Nanny here. I have had experiences on both sides of the coin. I had one family that made it clear from the get go to grandparents and nanny (in each others presence) in a respectful but firm manner that I as nanny is the consistent adult in the children's daily lives when parents are at work thus apart from being experienced, the parents trust me, my interactions with the children and ability to take care of them and follow through with their routines and also the parents were aware of the fact that multiple adults on one day can be chaotic depending on the grandparent's vibes towards a nanny and how secure they feel with the grandchildren. Usually if grandparents or family was visiting, I was given time off- I'm guessing to create that space for them and grandchildren which works. And when grandparents visited while I was on duty, which wasn't often,  either I was asked to leave early if they wanted to spend time with the children, or if they stuck around (which I didn't mind because I appreciated and noticed the fact that they also respected my presence as much as I respected theirs..I'd interact with them with the kids too) they would interact with the children briefly and still give me space to carry on the day as smoothly as possible eg they'd tell the kids "Okay now, its time to have lunch/nap with (my name)..we'll see you later.."-they'd give space & go on about their own things eg go to the library, mall, go for a walk etc and come back to take over. I found that this balance and open communication worked well for both sides but the common denominator is parents showing grandparents that they trust the nanny and her role and not using grandparents to hawk or micromanage the nanny.

I experienced another family with a similar situation as OP except I was the nanny.... it wasn't clear to me whether parents just didn't know how/afraid to communicate to grandparents about nanny's role, if they did not trust nanny and used grandparents to micromanage the nanny or if they just were not aware of the importance of clearing up boundaries and respect for both parties (nanny & grandparents) and making it known that nanny can only have one person to directly answer to (parents)....it was very unclear and became very overwhelming, frustrating and draining as a nanny to constantly feel undermined, side jabbed or unappreciated for doing your job.

So parents, first know that your nanny sees you as in the situation may be experiencing a huge dilemma which is not good for her or the child...she wants to give grandparents the respect the deserve while still doing her job and balancing her responsibility to answer to you as the boss and then battle the side jabs/disrespect from grandparents which be assured she notices but may not know how to bring it up to you... Its difficult to bounce between 2 or even 3 bosses (eg multiple adults trying to micromanage or suggest conflicting things in addition to what you want) which is likely to happen when grandparents/family members do not know the kids routine or understand how to give nanny the space to do her job. The best thing to do if you love and trust your nanny and want her to stick around, show her that you have her back by communicating that with both her and the grandparents to address the problem vs not saying anything which may come off to grandparents as though you endorse it. Then as suggested by PPs ensure that grandparents are getting private time with the children without the nanny around. Ensure that both parties understand that mutual respect is important to you for the sake of your child/children. Hope this helps, best of luck![/quote]

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