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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP- a few thoughts.  
1) If you found this board and are asking these questions, you are on the right track.  I think AP/HF relationships are complicated and doing your research is smart.
2) I kind of wonder what the history was with the nanny /privacy stuff, sounds like you might have some baggage that you should try to figure out so it doesnt taint your AP experience.
3) Agree with PP re: "Sweet" au pairs.  This is not a quality I care about, in fact I look for someone more of a self starter so I dont have to be her mom.  We are all looking for something different, though, so maybe this will work for you.
4) One thing you might do before you hit "match" is send her your handbook and ask give her the chance to really understand what the gig is going to be like, maybe ask her some tough questions -- it will ease your mind.
5) I LOVE the AP program, I'm in year 4 having had both APs extend and am very happy.  It works bc the personalities of the APs have really worked for our family and bc we all (HPs and AP) give each other plenty of space -- this allows us to enjoy each others company when we get the chance rather than feel like its an obligation.

GOOD LUCK!  [/quote]

OP here
The history with the privacy part is not really "baggage."  It is just a certain feeling of vulnerability that I think anyone experiences when someone is spending 7 or 8 hours a day in their house when they aren't home.   I think the best relationships are balanced ones and it feels odd to me to have my entire home and life an open book to this person, and yet have a person there whose private life I knew absolutely nothing about.  I read some article too about how your cleaning lady knows everything about your life and it just opened my eyes to just how nosy people are.  I don't have much to hide- I don't have an unusual mortgage, or past due notices coming in, or drugs stashed away.... so before someone jumps to that conclusion, I am talking about much more mundane things that you aren't embarrassed about or hiding, but would be disclosing to other people at a matched rate in a normal job environment.   At least with a live in situation, both parties are vulnerable in that regard and I just think that could yield to people making a better connection and thinking about the concept of privacy in general and doing unto others type mentality.  [/quote]

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