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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm the poster.  We made clear when we interviewed that we usually didn't eat big dinners during the week.  In the past, they were quick meals for us and we eat quickly in order to put our kids to sleep. This year, I have made a lot more weekday meals when I come home from downtown because of the pressure of feeding her. We didn't have the same experience with previous au pairs.  She doesn't seem to be coordinated enough to cook a meal when she's watching the kids.  On the two weekday nights of the week that she prepares the kids' dinner, it is usually just pasta with parmesan cheese, chicken nuggets or sometimes a piece of baked chicken or salmon if I defrost it and tell her to make it. She, on the other hand, comes up right before dinner, and then eats a lot (much more than my husband and me so there are never leftovers) and then doesn't ever offer to help with dishes, put away etc.  We've asked her to help and to do what she does at her house, and she doesn't ever seem to remember to even stay around long enough to clean up.  She's good with the kids in many ways but not at cooking or keeping things tidy at all.

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Well, you have to choose your battle.  Is she a rock star AP and you look the other way or is this annoying enough that you would be okay if it results in a rematch in the event that you put your foot down and tell her that from now on, the AP is expected to cook her own meals and ONLY when invited, can share in the meals that you cook?

If you intend to have leftovers, then scoop up the leftover amounts and set aside in containers BEFORE plating and if she asks, tell her it is intended as leftover for HM and HD in the future - and put your name on it so it is explicitly clear that this leftover is off-limits to her.

If you cook portions enough for you and your husband, plate your plates and then say "sorry, we didn't cook any extra for you.  We were not expecting you to be having dinner with us since you were already in your room for the night."  Yes, this is rude but sometimes, subtly does not work.

I had an AP several years ago who never helped with prep or clean up, and retreat to her room immediately after her work hour was over but always show up just in time for dinner and made me feel like her personal chef.  She was also not a rock star AP and I had no trouble telling her that I will no longer cook family meals every day for her.

It really depends how far you want to push it with your AP - if you are willing to "cut off" preparing fresh meals every night.  If you have a rock star, it may be worth it to keep her happy.  Happy AP means happy family, as some may say.
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