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[quote=Anonymous]I think people are being especially harsh with you OP. You sound like a first time host mom whose biggest offense here is a gross lack of communication. Yes, you are a 'host' mom, but you are not a terrible person for not wanting to do extra cooking.

OP, if you want things a certain way with your AP, you need to sit down and let your AP know.

For breakfast and lunch, if you expect that everyone is on their own, then you need to let AP know so you can eat your own salad in peace. That's completely acceptable. When I work from home, I come downstairs to prep myself my lunch and AP might come up to do the same on her own schedule. Every once in a while if I make something more fancy and AP is in the kitchen, I will ask her if I should boil more pasta for her, or something simple like that.

For dinner, it's a bit more tricky, especially if there are already 2 separate meals going on. Sit down and discuss how she would prefer her dinner experience to be (you can also impose it, but that doesn't necessarily go well in AP/Host relationships when it's not discussed before you match).

We have done this in different ways in the past but in a nutshell, you could 1) ask her to prep kids dinner and eat with them, 2) offer that she participates in dinner with you (which means that she helps in dinner prep too, or alternates who makes dinner with you and DH), or 3) she makes her own. From her behavior to date, sounds like 3 won't be her preferred option. I can't blame her. Many APs are looking for a family experience and eating alone every night can be pretty boring (although some prefer it).

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