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[quote=Anonymous]I work for a wonderful family (1 and 2yo kids, been with them since oldest got home from hospital) with a truly nice, kind, involved local grandma, who has wonderful intentions but nevertheless drives me batty.  Here is what I wish she could understand:

1) There is no point in competing with me.  Right now I am with them 70% of their waking hours every single week.  You see them regularly and they like and love tou, but I am their primary attachment figure for now and they, being toddlers, often want what is familiar.  BUT you are their family.  Long after I am just "that lady who used to babysit us," you will still be an important part of their lives and of their family.  We can both be important in our own sphere.

2) Because I am the primary attachment figure, they will need to check in with me.  That means that, even if they love you and are having fun, they will sometimes want to come sit with me instead.  In these moments, I do my best to be reassuring but boring so that they will quickly decide to go back to playing with you.  But if you refuse to let them come to me when they want, you are teaching them that they can't trust you to listen to them and they will avoid going to you at all.  You cannot force them to feel comfortable with you, but you can show that you will listen to their needs.[/quote]

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