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[quote=Anonymous]I'll apologize in advance for being a newbie to the nanny forum. I'm a regular in the DCUM boards, but to-date have not had one single issue with our nanny that would lead me to this board. We started with her a year ago and we joined an existing share. I have two kids - 8 mos and 3 yo when share started. 20 mos and 4 yo now. She had been with the existing family for three years and their other kids had aged up to school, so we did the nanny share with the youngest of that family - 2 yo when started. That share ended in June. We then added a 1 yo to our share and relocated the share to my house.

Nanny is a 38 year old woman who has 15 years of experience. She, an American, had married a non-American citizen 5 years ago and in May/June they travelled to his home country to do visa and citizenship paperwork. We were very happy for her and gave her 6 weeks off and managed with a temporary nanny while she was gone. We were obviously very excited for her return, but ever since she has been back things have felt "off". I am really frustrated that I can't put my finger on what it is - but kids seem much more ragged at the end of the day, nanny always rushes out the door rather than staying to chat a few minutes, our 4 yo is regularly asking that she not come back (never happened prior to trip), out of house activities seem to have dropped from 4 a week to 1 every two weeks and now they stay at home all day. I came home yesterday a few minutes early to talk to my 4 yo who had been having a hard time complying with nanny's rules - and I sat down with him in front of nanny and reinforced her rules and made it clear mom and nanny were a united front.  Son ran off to play and then nanny started crying and saying everything was "so hard" and she felt "like the kids don't know I'm doing everything for them". She then told me my son spent large portions of the last weeks having tantrums and being non compliant in general - behaviors he rarely exhibits with me or his dad. I asked over what things and the list was a list of power struggles (he didn't want his strawberries cut, she insists on cutting strawberries. He wanted to sleep with his slippers on, she insisted he take them off. Etc).

I'm really struggling with what to do. Things seem very much not right, but I'm not there all day and prior to her trip I would have recommended her as the best nanny ever. Our contract is up in December. 4 yo starts part time preschool program in 3 more weeks and so nanny will only have the younger two for most of the day. Do I just endure?  Try to talk to her again?  Consider a camera?  Open to any and all suggestions!  [/quote]

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