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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I have a friend who had a "nanny" like you have now. She was a very nice woman, and my friend could never bring herself to fire her. Seven years later, their relationship is finally coming to an end (DS #2 starts full time school). My friend would tell you to make the move now.

Yes, it is much harder to care for a newborn and a toddler, and so much more physically demanding to run after a toddler/preschooler, period. If she can barely get out of the house now, you are going to be really, really disappointed with the level of activity as your child grows. Do you want a nanny who will take your active, curious 3-year-old to the same park every day where she can sit on a bench and talk to her friend, or one who will mix that up with classes, actively playing ball or going to the zoo, come up with art projects or outside exploration, etc., etc., etc.?

It's your money, but she is telling you loud and clear in her actions what kind of nanny she will be for the long term. Would you want exactly this level of activity for your children day-in-day-out?

BTW, my friend? Her nanny pretty much refused to do anything other than sit in the house if she had both kids. They ending up paying for a lot of extra, expensive preschool so that her 2-child time was limited. She cost less than other nannies, but was also less useful.

Hire a cleaning service once a week, and hire a real nanny who can do basic kid laundry and upkeep, and will actively engage with your children.[/quote]

Thank you for this post.  I can totally see myself being like your friend.  I have thought on and off about letting DC's nanny go and just could not get myself to.  She, like your friend's nanny, is a lovely person and I really enjoy seeing the affection between her and DC.  After we were away one week for vacation, DC at 12 months of age gave the nanny the biggest hug like saying "I really missed you."  The bond they have has been a huge barrier to letting her go, but I think in my heart of hearts, I know it is the right thing to do.  As DC gets older and bigger, I've noticed that the nanny is physically more tired.  She doesn't say anything, but I can see it in her body language.  I just don't know how she will handle a full day of activities, which she hasn't really had yet.  She not only is on the older side, but overweight and not in good physical shape.  Thanks for the wake-up call.[/quote]

Letting someone go is difficult. Honestly, doing the "personnel management" part has been the hardest part of having a nanny, and would be the only reason I would prefer a daycare sometimes. However, eventually, your relationship will end because your children will age out of nanny care. If you wait, she will be older, and you will feel even worse about it, even with years of resentment. Give her lots of notice, promise to give her a great reference for another infant gig, and move on. You can use the language, "our needs have changed, and we are so sorry, but we are going to have to find someone else. We had hoped this would work out when we decided to make it a more formal nanny position, but it really hasn't gone as well as we'd hoped." Ask her if she'd be willing to do date nights, or fill in if she's available. Since she's part time, you could even overlap with the new person.

I cried when our first nanny quit when DC1 was about 18 months old (DC2 had just been born, we had decided we needed someone full time, and she decided she ultimately didn't want the full time job). The transition was SO MUCH easier than I expected, because our new nanny was awesome, and his family (DH and I) didn't go anywhere. He does love her, in his baby way, but you and DH are with him so many more hours in the day. He isn't losing his primary caregiver.[/quote]

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