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[quote=Anonymous]OP here. Thank you all for the great advice! I feel very justified in my decision to leave now that you all have confirmed that I am being mistreated and taken advantage of. I feel so unappreciated and disrespected, and I am exhausted and emotionally drained. I don't know how things changed so much in just a year. The only explanation I can think of is that she is either resentful of having to give me a raise, or is resentful because her employer changed her 'work from home' position to a 5 day a week in office job. Maybe she is angry that I get to stay in her home with the kids while she drives to the office every day?

Sometimes I think I was crazy to agree to stay at the beginning of last fall. It would have been the perfect opportunity to leave. But then I remind myself that although I was really underpaid, I was still being treated well and wasn't ready to say goodbye to the kids or look for a new job yet. When I tell her that I am leaving I will have to remind her that as per our original agreement I wasn't even supposed to stay for this school year. And as some above had said, I am not responsible for managing their emotions. That was very well said and I will have to remember that. If she wants to be unreasonable, or get angry, I can't control that. I don't plan on saying that I am leaving because of her, and instead I'll just explain that I am getting older and my life has changed a lot in the past 4 years and I need to move on to something else. I am not worried about not having her as a reference because I have another family that I have been with for 9 years and still do one day a week with, so they will always be my best reference for any future childcare positions.

Maybe I am stupid for being so considerate, but I am planning on sticking it out for the rest of the school year and telling her in June that I will be leaving at the end of the month. I feel like it will be hard to find someone who can be trusted to drive the kids now, but in the summer no driving will be required so it'll be an easier transition to another nanny. And I guess I'm also afraid that if I leave now that she will be even more angry because of not having transportation for the kids, and maybe she'll take the news better if I tell her I will stay until the end of the school year? But that also means that I will have to endure her abuse for another 2 months. 
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